Tsukimi Uzumaki- Konoha's Mad Sage
by AuroraPax
Summary: The story of a girl who died without unfulfilled reborn into the world of Naruto! Reincarnated as Narutos twin sister, Tsukimi Uzumaki has her own demons to battle as she tries to not only keep her sanity, but keep her broken family of two from being consumed by the ninja worlds cruelty. NarutoXHeram OCXOC bashing of characters. stronger main characters. Neji will never find love.
1. Chapter 1

**GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS! I'm suffering serious writer's block atm so I decided it's time for NARUTO! Im not really sure where I'm going to take this story, it could be a big project or it might just be a small short story while I figure things out for 'the gaming huntress'. That's the fun of writing though I suppose! **

**WARNING! Mature content ahead. Graphic depictions of violence and extreme abuse mentioned. If you can't handle that, a warning will be placed before the scene begins, and I recommend you skip it, or stop reading now. Leaving because you aren't used to dark themes dose not make you any less of a person.**

**Dose make you a little bitch though. (DMC REFERANCE *INSAIN LAUGHTER*)**

**Now without any further ado, LET THE SHOW BEGIN!**

**Chapter 1: Down The Rabbit Hole And Straight Into Hell**

_It was a normal day. The sun had just retreated beneath the horizon and I was on my way home from a late class. It was just like any other day._

_But it wasn't._

_I __**Should **__not have been on my phone while crossing the street._

_I __**Should **__have seen the car coming around the corner_

_I __**Should **__have jumped to the sidewalk on my right, instead of into the harbor on my left like I did._

_I __**Should **__have let go of my bag, instead of allowing it to drag me under_

_But I __**Didn't**_

_And now I was. . ._

_Drifting_

_I could not feel anything, or see, or hear. It was like the universe had vanished and all that was left was my consciousness. My-y body, what did it f-feel like, to have a body?_

_How long, have I?_

_Suddenly a bright light appeared before me, and I was thrust into it with no warning._

I took me a few minutes to regain my senses, or at least if FELT like minutes, might have been seconds or even hours considering how disoriented I was. When I finally could see again, I noticed two major things. One was that although I had a body, it was DEFFINETLY not mine, Or human for that matter. From what I could tell, I had eyes and ears and a mouth. Other than that, I was literally just a pure white outline of a human. I could see through myself, and based on the reflection showing in the VERY large polished metal desk in front of me I had no defining features whatsoever. The other very important thing of note I should mention is the THING sitting at the desk across from me. The 'creature' had a human torso and 16 very hairy arms, three heads, one was a geko, one was an ox, and the other looked like an otter, but I couldn't really tell because that one had a cowboy hat obscuring my view of it.

Oh, did I forget to mention it was like, 15 feet tall? Because HOLY SHIET I don't think I've ever seen anything so simultaneously awesome AND terrifying.

And then just to top it all off, the ox head, in a DEEP Scottish accent, began to speak. "AH welcome. Ell me lass ya got any clue as to the fuck gin on?"

". . .I died?"

The ox gave a hearty laugh, shaking the pure white walls of the room we found ourselves in. the being went to speak again, but this time it was the geko who spoke. And it sounded exactly like-

The fucking Geiko mascot.

"Now I'm sure you've got questions, but let me start off by answering some of the most basic ones for you ok? First, yes there is a god. In fact, there are twelve, but you don't need the details on them at the moment. Second, no I'm not one of them. I believe I am the equivalent to what the Catholics call angels?" geko stopped, and the third head, which now that I got a better look was actually a squirrel, began to speak in a heavy Texas accent. "Thrid, yall died with unfinished business, so we gon an decided ta reincarnate you so ya could fulfill yer life goal of-" it stopped for a moment, pulling out a big stack of papers and squinting at something written on the top page. "doin somtin worth being remembered fer? At's pretty basic if-in ya ask me, but yall do you. Also keep in mind over 500 BILLION souls come threw er every second, so if ya got questions keep em quick fer everyones sake?"

Thinking on it, there were MILLIONS of questions I wanted to ask, but since this person appeared to have a fairly loaded work schedule, I managed to find the three most important ones.

"multiverse theory, is that real or no?"

The ox took control again, its voice shaking me to my nonexistent bones. "oh ya, there's just about a universe fer EVERYTHING, makes my job a heap of a mess now don it? And befer ya ask lass, ya, were sendin ya tush ta a different world, shake tings up abit ya know?"

Ok, that left me with just one then. "do I get to choose where im going or is it random?"

And que Geiko mascot. "well you cant choose, the dimensions would be completely skewed population wise if we allowed that, but LUCKY for you a new branch dimension has just opened up in universe A-bx293. You may know it as 'Naruto'? you'll be born in that world on the same date you died in your world, other than that where you are born is up to chance so good luck!" the squirrel then piped up again after the Gekos apparent goodbye. "one last thing fer we sen ya off, ye CAN choose a little 'perk' ta take wit ya, you can look through the list while we prep yer departure."

And thus the 'angel' began waving its 16 hands around as a 'screen' of sorts filled my vision. And when they said I could choose a perk it sounded like some small thing, but these were all AMAZING looking! Just looking at the first few was practically making me salivate!

Child Genius- until you reach the age of 15, learning anything will be 100% easier. Example- Itachi Uchiha

Dragon Soul- your primary element will be immeasurably more potent than a normal shinobi. Example- Tobirama Senju

Civilian- choosing a profession other than a ninja will make you 25% less likely to get wrapped up in trouble. Example- Literally any non-ninja

and then some non naruto related ones.

vampire- suck blood, get bitches. also you get a cannon. bitches love those things. Example- Alucard, that beautiful bastard.

Gardian- a small intelligent drone called a ghost follows you around. wield the power of a light barer and survive any injury as long as your 'ghost' is undamaged. Example- Cayde-6, that beautiful bastard

Devil-born- half child of a devil and a human. gain access to 'devil-breaker' transformed state. Example- Dante, that beautiful- ok i made my point

These were really cool, but the one that caught my eye was about twenty down the list, right under a weird one that allowed me to have two buttholes for. . . some reason? Anyway the one I knew I would ABSOLUTLY choose was right under that one.

Mad Sage- instead of taking in the power of the worlds life-energy like a sage, you will absorb power from negative human emotion, immensely enhancing your body's healing while also vastly increasing your attack power based on the amount of energy absorbed. gain access to 'Demon sage' transformed state. Example-[redacted]

Ohohoh GIMIGIMI-

"oh, you've chosen. Bye then."

"Wait waAAAAAAAAAA!" I was cut of by my own scream as I was suddenly and violently SUCKED down back into the abyss I had drifted in from. Though I should be thankful that I was only in it for a few moments as I continued to fall until I was suddenly very aware of how cold I was. The second was the strange sensation of feeling something crawling inside me, which I'm just going to hope is chakra. I couldn't really hear anything, and my eyes would not respond to my attempts to open them, but I could feel something holding me up, and let me tell you right now that being a baby is NOT something that's fun. I couldn't even really move, I was simply at the mercy of the adults who I HOPE where responsibly watching over-

*BANG*

Holy crap that was definitely an explosion! Everything is muted for me and I heard it clear as day, oh please whatever gods are out there don't let me die again I just came back! Just as soon as the sound went off though I had the WORST feeling of vertigo I had ever experienced. Like free falling but multiplied by 100! What's going on wasn't I just born do these people not know how to handle a ba-

Oh god no.

That angel thing, they told me I would be born on the same date that I died.

I died on October tenth.

Naruto Uzumaki's birthday.

That means, its entirely possible that im-

My thoughts were suddenly cut off as my mind was introduced to a similar sensation as the one crawling under my skin, only is was coming from outside.

AND IT BURNED

Yep. That's kurama. Coming to this realization I did the most logical thing to do in my strange situation, and started screaming.

It was a while before anything changed from the initial chaos. In the short while after my arrival I had been moved around to a few different pairs of hands, gone through what I'm pretty sure is the flying thunder god, had every inch of my being TERRORIZED by the mere presence of the nine tails, and now I found myself being held once more, only one problem, it felt like their chest was wet.

Oh that's totally blood. Ew. Just ew. Gonna have nightmares. Definitely going to have nightmares.

After a few more minutes I was laid down on a soft surface and a new presence made itself know. If I had to describe it, it was like you know something's there, but if you focused on it you cant see it. Almost like it was… empty, in a way. Aaand that's the Shinagami. I braced myself, expecting any moment to have the embodiment of fuzziness forced into my gut when the unexpected happened.

In other word's nothing happened.

The presence of the nine tails vanished into thin air, and the feeling of emptiness left with it. The world was quiet after that and I finally gained a hint as to what was happening, as a hand equally as small as mine laid into mine. It was only for a moment, but that was all I needed to gain clarity. I had every reason to believe, based on what I knew and what I felt going on around me, that I was just reincarnated, not as Naruto, but as the blond hero's sibling.

I'm too tired for this shit.

As if on command, my tiny little body gave out, and sleep took me.

_The next day: POV Hiruzen Sarutobi_

_With the death toll of yesterday's disaster, a mass funeral was held. The coffins, some full, some containing what pieces we could find, were all lined up on training ground 82. At the forefront of those morbid boxes were my successor, Minato-kun, who's death left a hole in the hearts of all citizens of the land o fire. His secret wife whom he loved kushina, she always used to brighten up the room in times like this. And my own wife, whose remains were incinerated by the beast's power, had an empty coffin._

_I stood there, saddened that so many of our survivors could not be here to mourn the loss of friends and family. But it could not be helped. With so many losses the other four great ninja villages were bound to test us for weakness. Even sand, who we have a treaty with, could very well turn on us if we don't keep up the appearance of unfaltering strength. I adjusted the hat that sat upon my head, the kanji for fire emblazed above my brow. I could not falter now. We may have lost, but the will of fire still burned, and my presence was required. Someone had to care for the village, I just wish that somebody hadn't been me once again. I turned away from the field of body's soon to be buried. _

_I had work to do after all._

_Arriving back in the hokage tower via body flicker, I was greeted with the site of the second biggest problem I had to deal with, other than the massive stacks of paperwork that is._

_Two cribs sat in Minatos- I mean MY office. One housed the son of the fourth hokage, little Naruto, who was cursed with the burden of the nine tails. And the other held…_

_An anomaly._

_According to all medical reports Kushina Uzumaki had been pregnant with only one child, yet here lay a girl who's DNA proved she was indeed a SECOND child born to the hidden unity of Konoha's best and brightest two ninja. You would think that the jinchuriki would be the big problem but no, not only was this girl unexpected, she was both chakra hypersensitive AND possessed unnaturally large reserves. The Uzumaki had always possessed large natural chakra reserves, but while her physical chakra was the average Uzumaki infants, this girls Spiritual chakra was well over TRIPLE that amount. She would not suffer any serious issues for this imbalance thankfully, but her growth was bound to be stunted until she built her physical chakra up some. _

_Another nightmare I had to deal with, there was no way I could keep the boys jinchuriki status secret when it was quite literally pasted on their faces. both twins had three solid whisker shaped marks running across each cheek, and the girls violet eyes had slit pupils to boot. The boy was a clone of his father, while the girl shared most of her features with her mother._

_The poor kid's, with the power they possessed they would have no choice of career, they would be ninja. The council would never allow otherwise, not after losing over 20 percent of our jonin last night. I had spent all night convincing them not to kill little naruto, and the entire morning convincing them that Danzo shouldn't have custody of the girl after she so helpfully decided to accidentally send out a pulse of chakra while bawling her newborn eyes out._

"Inu." I spoke, earning the full attention of the anbu hidden in the ceiling. "Do you know what- what the parents wanted to name the girl?"

"Yes lord hokage." The boy spoke, his voice devoid of all emotion. "Tsukimi. That's what they wanted to name the child, if it was a girl."

Taking up the pen that had ended up on the floor, I grabbed up the two birth certificates laid on the table before me, Tsukimi Uzumaki Namekaze and Naruto Uzumaki Namekaze. Of course, the Namekaze would be left out of all public files, that's one secret that could not become public knowledge, otherwise the children would be hunted by their parents' enemy's.

Time could only tell the kind of lives these two would live.

_I only hope I can help make it happy lives, I'd really rather not have Kushina haunting me for not properly caring for them_

_And now for one of the hardest things ill ever have to do._

"Inu, grab the children, where going to the orphanage now."

*_sigh.*_

_Kushina-chan is definetly gonna haunt me._

Tsukimi POV- 5 years later

The first few years have been interesting, though they passed by rather quickly. After the initial "landing" I was basically out of it until I reached about three. I had been correct before in that I was indeed born as Naruto's sister, though strangely people spoke English here even thought the writing was kanji. Because of this language came easy for me, but I couldn't even spell my own name yet. Though that was less my inability to learn and more the head of this orphanage being a total bitch. Me and Naruto were confined to our room most or the day, and if we so much as spoke to the other kids we would get in trouble for "corrupting the human children". Because of this I had become Naruto's lifeline, the poor boy clung to me like a leech. Not that I minded. He was the only person I could interact with, and even though he was only five and I had the mental capacity of someone in their 20s, the kid was a riot. When we were three I started teaching him how to speak, because they hadn't even done that for us, and he absorbed the knowledge like a sponge, taking only a month or two to start speaking (albeit very broken) English. We also had no stories or any entertainment, so we made some ourselves. I had collected scrap papers and managed to make some makeshift playing cards, while Naruto had already gotten into his pranking habits.

Honestly, I look away for five minutes and the kid not only sneaks into the matrons office, he somehow managed to cover her ENTIRE office in olive oil, he also tilted every picture 5 degrees to the left, put tacks on her chair, and carved a butt into the wooden floor with a metal ruler.

That was when he was 4.

I don't know how he managed with his stubby little hands, but on the bright side I was exempt from his pranking.

Besides the not teaching us how to even speak, leaving us locked in a room unattended for HOURS ever since we were potty trained, AND denying us basic communication with our peers, today one of the matrons assistants had mad a LOVELY little comment while bringing us our stale bread and dish water which may, or may not, have actually been used to clean some dishes before being served. Just as she was dropping off the pathetic excuse for rations, Naruto, whom I had been hammering the basics of politeness into for a little over a week now, decided to show his progress by saying "Thank You". Which you may be thinking, 'Why would saying thank you be a problem'? well that's because you have to keep in mind that these people hadn't taught us to speak, so Naruto giving thanks somehow meant the fox, which I had confirmed he had sealed in him due to the constant small stream of chakra leaking out of the seal, was loose from the seal and manipulating BOTH of us.

Which is how me and my blond brother now found ourselves on the steps of the orphanage, our first time outside the building since we were born to my knowledge, with the matron telling us to fuck off.

"sis?" my brother spoke as he pulled on my hand, his own firmly wrapped around mine, as if afraid I would blow away in the wind if he let got. "where we goin?" I had to take a minute. Honestly, I had no knowledge of the village layout, and for that matter I didn't know anyone here other than my brother and the assholes at the orphanage. Wasn't the Hokage supposed to take care of Naruto? Or did that not occur until after he got kicked out? I mean seriously he had a massive fuzzy demon in his gut why had nobody even checked up on us? The second I see that old monkey I'm going to rip him a new one for allowing the orphanage to treat us as badly as they did I mean come ON what were they thinking?

"THAT'S IT!" Naruto jumped at my outburst, his eyes going wide as I cut into a dead sprint dragging him along. "Naru, were going to beat up the elderly!" several people in the street took on faces of disgust as they herd this, but that was nothing compared to the looks they got when they saw me and my brother. It wasn't anger, or even plain hatred.

It was pure unfiltered WRATH

I realized my error as soon as I saw the first look. I should not have announced our presence. Especially because of the date.

The village was clearly preparing a festival.

The festival of the nine tails defeat.

In the show this is the day where the hatred for Naruto, and now me, was at its highest point, and I had basically just screamed "hear we are come kill the Kubi kids!"

The moment I took in this information I moved from the sprint into a full-on CHARGE. I was using the hokage monument, four faces carved into the mountainside, as a marker. The hokage tower was supposed to be very close to it, and once we reached there, I was certain that Sarutobi would keep us safe. I could beat him up later, well probably not but dammit I would try.

"HEY WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING OUT OF THEIR CAGES!"

"SOMEBODY LET THE DEMONS LOOSE!"

"HONEY GET THE KIDS INSIDE NOW!"

"AW SHIT CLETUS GRAB MA GUN"

The entire village was calling for our dismemberment, Naruto had turned completely pale as a ghost, and was no longer inquiring as to our destination, choosing instead to just follow me and run for his life. I for one had SEVERAL questions about that last comment. Of course, any questions I had were at the back of my mind now as all the I could really focus on was the horde of villagers currently HUNTING US!

*BAM*

"MEROW!"

"Nice kitty TAKA NO NOT THE FACE"

Ok apparently somebody ACTUALLY BROUGHT A GUN but had thankfully missed, clipping the ear of a very pissed of cat, who based on the name I was going to assume was a predecessor of tora.

It had been a solid 3 minutes of this, running, dogging rotten fruit and other such thrown objects, as well as me smashing my bare foot into a post. Oh ya did I mention our only clothes were rags?

Because im pretty sure if we weren't Uzumaki we would both have some serious health issues wearing these all day.

Neither of our bodies were used to running, our Uzumaki genes probably being the only reason we had managed this long, but finally I could see the tell-tale cylindrical building I remembered from the manga. The tower was finally in site, we had almost made it! "NARU!" I called out, my breath running ragged as both our legs starting to slow from exhaustion. "THAT TOWERS WHERE WE NEED TO GO! LETS GET INSIDE AND ASK FOR HELP! ITS JUST A LITTLE FURTHER!"

And we almost made it. But apparently a chuinin had joined the crowd of sick Bastards chasing us.

Naruto managed to keep going.

I wasn't so lucky.

Only about a block away, I felt something hard impact with my left side, my body went airborne for a few seconds before I found myself smashing threw a rickety wooden door. I would later learn that this was actually the old ninja academy, before it had been moved to the base of hokage tower and this building had long since been abandoned.

But that wasn't important now.

My entire body was burning, id never been around a lot of people, the overload of new chakra signatures was like a multitude of mosquitoes swarming my entire body, not to mention the BURNING from where I was kicked. My left arm lay completely useless at my side and I was struggling to breath, I had at least 3 broken ribs, probably a collapsed lung.

And then those sick fucks decided they weren't done, I could here them talking as about twenty people clambered into the room, a ninja putting up a genjutsu to hide the damaged entrance.

But what I herd next nearly made my hart stop.

"hey, if we cant kill the demon, at least we can have some fun with his bitch!

No

NO

Get away

Somebody

ANYBODY!

HELP

Why?

Why wont anybody. . .

Please.

Konoha General- 7 hours later: Hiruzen POV

I had failed.

Minato. His last request, the ONLY thing he ever asked for, was that I keep his legacy safe. That his children could have happy lives.

I had failed.

His son, the boy who looked so much like him, lay on the couch of my office, Hatake and his ninja dogs standing over him with orders to kill anything that came through the door other than me.

The boy was thin as a twig, his eyes were sunken and surrounded with black rings. I should have checked on them personally. I cant believe I had allowed for such mistreatment of the twins under my watch. After the panicked little boy had found his way into the tower he was quickly escorted to my office. After only a brief dialog I knew something was wrong, so I had the person responsible for overseeing them, councilman Natsuki, sent to T&I. it only took minutes for an irate newly dubbed special joinin Anko Matarashi to get everything out of him.

But it was years too late.

Natsuki Kuro. He had lost nothing on the night of the attack. Hadn't know any victims, he hadn't even had any property damage during the rampage. Because of his neutral reaction and the years of service I had entrusted him to monitor the twins progress.

How could I have misjudged him so badly.

The two children were under-fed, had not been taught anything past how to use the bathroom and eat what scraps they were thrown, apparently, they hadn't even been taught to speak! From what Naruto says his sister had figured out how by observing their "caretakers" and had taught her brother.

The poor girl, somehow, they had even forgotten to tell her what her own name was, she'd simply had the blond calling her sister their entire lives.

Tsukimi, by far I could not have failed worse than I did with her. We realized soon after siting Naruto down that his red-haired sister was nowhere to be seen. I had deployed ninja to arrest every single person in the crowed that had been chasing the children, but the found no site of her.

It was nearly two hours before the illusion was discovered. Shisui Uchiha had been on his way home from a mission, his sharingan eyes were active so he could see properly while he utilized his uniquely fast body flicker, and he had spotted the discrepancy in the door of the long abandoned old academy building. Being the diligent ninja, he was he chose to hold off on his report to remove the Genjutsu and see what was up.

Im sure from what little he was able to repeat to me, he wishes he had not done so.

**WARNING* IF YOU ARE NOT HANDLE GRAPHIC CONTENT SKIP UNTIL YOU SEE THE NEXT BOLD MARKER**

12 adults. 1 genin, 2 chunin, a jonin, and a handful of civilians stood over the Uzumaki girl. All of the men were in some form of state of undress, and the girl. . .

I could not bring my self to think of it now. The horror that Shisui had described to me, as well as the doctors report I now held outside her intensive care room. Her limbs had been pined to the floor with kuni, her rags discarded, the stomach appeared to have been sliced open with her entrails spilling out and the flesh has been torn from half her face. Her hands had been crushed and her eyes gouged out, not to mention that the kanji for 'Demon' had been carved into nearly every spot of skin it could fit on.

All of this wasn't what had horrified young Shisui as he had torn those men apart. Not the blood, not the child mangled on the floor, no it wasn't even the mercilessness of these disgusting excused for humans who did this.

It was the child's laughter.

As Shisui was focused on killing the men who would do such a thing to a child he missed it at first, but after the last assailant had been disposed all he could feel was pure terror at the scene before him.

Shisui, a jonin who experienced the death of friends on a near daily basis, who had seen some of the worst of what the world had to offer, could barely relay back to me what he had seen.

The girl, mangled and broken, who for all intents and purposes should have been choking on her own blood or screaming in pain, was _LAUGHING._

Not a child's laugh, no he described it as the laugh of one possessed. Her body had begun healing before his eyes, the bones snapping back into place and the skin re-growing, her entire body reassembled itself before his eyes. But the miracle barely registered.

All he could hear was the laughter.

_**SAFE POINT* THE DARKNESS ENDS HERE, SQUEAMISH PEOPLE MAY CONTINUE!**_

After learning that he had brought Tsukimi here I had come personally to watch over her, and had sent Shisui to the Yamanaka clan after he finished recounting the nightmare he had walked into.

So far only two people had approached the room I stood outside of. First It had been another council member. They had come to call me to a meeting about what to do with "the demons".

He hadn't gotten another word in before the back of my hand completely vaporized his skull on contact.

Needles to say the second person was currently scrubbing red off the walls.

It was a few minutes into this poor genin scrubbing walls, twelve buckets of water had already tuned to murky red, when someone new approached the room.

At first, I swore I was seeing things, that my age had finally gotten too me. But there she was, Tsunade, my old student, marching toward me with a disturbed expression marring her face.

"Tsunade what are you doing here?" I asked in surprise, and how could I not, after not seeing her in nearly a decade. Her response came in barley a whisper, though it was more of a hiss than anything, and the cold tone in her voice shook me to the bone.

"where. Is. my. Fucking. Goddaughter."

. . . fuck

**AAAAAND. . .**

**Wow this got dark.**

**Really working for that M rating.**

**Just a little note I forgot to give in the intro, this fic will include but is not limited to the bashing of Hiruzen, Danzo, Neji, and SEVERE bashing of Konoha in genral.**

**Don't worry, Tsukimi and Naruto will be living much better lives after this, the reason for the horrors of this chapter are to develop Tsuki's 'Mad' personality, as well as giving Naruto an excuse to UNLEASH PRANKING HELL in chapter two, which is already in the works.**

**And don't worry, Tsukimi will be learning to use chakra in the next chapter, so expect some high impact violence very soon!**

**Side not- I do not condone violence in the manor described here, ECPECIALY not to children. If you have ever considered doing such things to others, kindly place a cheese grater up your butthole. (The furries know what i mean)**

**Now on a less serious note, because honestly that's no way to end a chapter, if you enjoyed leave a like, if you REALLY like feel free to follow to get future updates as they happen, and also if you notice any major errors please point them out in the comments if you have a minute?**

**Now As always.**

**Keep it fresh.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer. I do not, nor will I likely ever, own Naruto, Naruto Shippuden, or that other third thing that shall not be mentioned. I do however own Tsukimi's immortal ass as well as any non-cannon techniques and or people I choose to add at my leisure, for here in this real I am god. **

**Now without any further delay lets get right into the thick of it shall we?**

Konoha General- Tsukimi

So. That sucked. A lot. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm as alert as I am right now. Considering what just happened I have every right to be a hysterical mess, yet. . .

I feel fine.

Just after they began attacking me I had noticed the pain wasn't nearly as bad as It should have been. Id been cut by knives before, but the four that had pinned me to the floor had barely hurt at all. At first I had been seriously confused, I knew from the show that I should have increased healing because I was an Uzumaki, but those. . . _people_ had cut limbs off at least a few times and they popped right back on.

But then I remembered my "perk".

I had a powerful healing factor fueled by negative emotion, my body would never die unless it was completely erased, as far as I was concerned from this recent experience anyway. But my Uzumaki genes seemed to have amplified this, allowing me to not only heal completely, also much FASTER than even the heretic priest of jashin.

The fact that having my organs getting exposed made me start laughing MAY have been cause for concern, but with the hole reincarnation, inhumane treatment, and just EVERYTHING that had happened. . .

I didn't really care.

What I did care about was the fact that my brother was not here, and the blond woman currently strangling me in a bear hug and crying hysterically while a man who was undoubtedly the third Hokage sat in a chair next to her sporting a fist shaped bruise on his face. It took a few minutes for her to calm down, and when she did I was surprised to see one of the sannin in my hospital room. After she stopped using me as a hugging post, the two adults seemed to pick up on my confusion, and we began to talk. Well, they talked, I just nodded. The first thing they did was ask if the Hokage could stay. It took a second but I realized they thought I might be uncomfortable around men considering all my assailants were guys. I honestly didn't give a shit, but had a feeling voicing those exact words might be unwise.

For about 20 minutes Tsunade went over a checklist. Did I feel pain, did I remember what happened, how did this or that make me feel, ect. It turns out the only immediately concerning effect was I got extremely defensive about being naked. I didn't seem to have developed a problem with being around men in particular, but I wouldn't be hitting up the hot springs any time soon. After making sure I wouldn't have a breakdown on them the Hokage began to explain what had been going on for the last few years. Me and Naruto had been placed in the orphanage the day after our birth and were to be monitored by a member of the council, who helped him, the village leader, make big choices. He took time to explain everything he was saying, and talked really slow. For all intents and purposes, they believed I was a scared, broken little girl who taught herself how to talk. I had no intention of ever revealing the whole "from another dimension" bit, so I had to make it look like I was learning most of this for the first time. And let me tell you, lying to the leader of a village of people whose PROFESSION is lying? In any other situation I'm sure I'd have been found out already. Anyway, the council man had spent 5 years turning in fake reports on our well being as well as paying off the two ninja who were supposed to be watching over us so that they basically ignored us entirely. It was at this point that a strange look crossed the old mans face. "tell me, is it true that you don't know your name?"

His question was kinda out of left field, but after a moment it dawned on me. 5 years id been here. 5 years id been so focused on keeping Naruto alive that I somehow, in classic airhead fashion, forgot that I didn't have a name. honestly, I was a bit of an idiot in my last life but this was getting ridicules. But then something else occurred, did they not find it strange that I didn't know my name, but Naruto knew his? Id just have to hope they didn't ask. As to his question, I simply nodded that I in fact did not know my name, which is when I herd it for the first time.

Tsukimi. It was a nice name, I mean I spoke English so I had no clue what that name MEANT. But it sounded nice. What was the deal with that? We all spoke English but we wrote in kanji and had Japanese names. Fricking DUB logic. I'm just gonna assume I'm in a "DUB" version of the Naruto universe and leave it at that.

Anyway, after letting me know my name (and thankfully NOT thinking to ask how Naruto knew his own) the conversation moved on to explaining what would happen now. Since I was physically fine and seemed to be somewhat mentally stable me and Naruto would be moving into an apartment for the foreseeable future. We would have daily check ins with a member of the Hokage's personal guard, as well as monthly check in's from the man himself. We would be fed, and have actual beds to sleep in, and overall would be taken care of. I was also shocked when Tsunade proclaimed she would also check in with us, as she had decided to 'hang around'. Now to an actual child with no knowledge of the world this dident really mean anything, but to me, and the old man for that matter, this was shocking news.

Apparently, Tsunade had returned to the village for just one day, in order to pay her respects to the friends she had lost in the nine tales attack. (this information was followed by a ten-minute-long explanation about what the nine tails was, as well as what chakra was). After the incident with me though, and seeing how bad we were treated, Tsunade had decided to stay in the village and keep an eye on us.

Kishimoto, your plot is officially dead. I killed it without even trying.

I will not apologies.

After that, we went over what school was, they told me that Naruto and I would be brought to a store (they also explained what that was, I would stop them but it was kind of amusing) and we would start in two weeks. Then they explained what a week was. I laughed internally, The floor laughed, I immediately became afraid for my mental health, it was great.

Then Naruto burst into the room along with a horde of dogs and jumped onto my bed bawling his eyes out. After getting crushed by a naru hug, and swarmed by all the dogs for another ten or so minutes(which Naruto referred to as "little fluffys"), I had finally had enough sitting around. Id spent my last life as a shut in, and this life locked in a closet.

"can we go outside?"

It was the first thing I had said out loud since waking up, and everyone seemed surprised by the sudden request, but Kakashi, whom I recognized the moment I saw him in the door way, proceeded to fulfill my request. How did he do this? By letting me get up on my own? No.

The fucker threw me and my brother over his shoulder and jumped out the window.

*_sharp inhale_* oh Kakashi. You wonderful man-child. Your officially now my second favorite.

Crap. . .

I forgot to punch the old man. Oh well. Looks like Tsunade did it for me anyway.

After taking us outside the white haired jonin made a b-line for a training ground. It was mostly woodsy with a small open space in the middle. The man sat us both down, his masked face betraying no emotion. "alright listen up. My name is Kakashi and I will be watching you two until they get your house ready. Since this is your first time outside How about we play a game together?"

I was honestly not expecting him to be so forward. In the show he had been really awkward with kids, so it was surprised he willingly suggested playing games-

The man held up two leaf's in his hand gesturing for us to take them. "this is a leaf, for this game you two are going to try sticking it to your forehead. Don't worry, ill walk you through it."

. . .ok so maybe not a "game" game, but I probably looked like a kid on Christmas. Id wanted to try using Chakra ever since I was conscious of my surroundings, but I had been afraid of doing something wrong and getting hurt or worse, hurting Naruto.

After taking a leaf, Kakashi wad begun explaining what chakra was, and how to call on it. Naruto took a few minutes to feel out the energy, but I got it instantly. The downside of being hypersensitive to chakra was that too much of it in one place could give me a serious headache, the upside however, was near perfect chakra control. Kakashi's one visible eyebrow raised in mild surprise as I not only felt out my chakra, but successfully stuck the leaf to my head after only two minutes. Naruto, not to be outdone, only took another three to get it down, though both of us couldn't hold the leaf very long before we lost focus.

"that was good you two." The ninja spoke up. "most people take more time to start out, so now you just need to work on keeping it stuck. You did especially well Tsukimi-chan!"

That's when a look of confusion crossed Naruto features, and he spoke up. "wha? Whos Tsukmi?"

Oh ya. He dident know my name. a brief explanation, as well as convincing him that my name was NOT in fact "sis" solved this problem, but then he decided to cause another one.

"Hey sis, if you diden know ya name, whyd ya know mine?"

Damn, adorable little brat just put me on the chopping block. I could hear the gears turning in Kakashi's head as he too noticed the discrepancy, I had to think of an excuse fast because I REALY wasn't in the mood for the reincarnation from another world talk. Now or ever. "just tell him you herd someone at the orphanage say it once."

I nearly had a heart attack and the tree I was leaning on lent me a suggestion on what to do next. Chalking it up to the fact that my brain had a kuni threw it a few hours ago and I was going insane, I decided to take the trees advice and told Kakashi exactly that.

The part about hearing the matron says his name, not the talking tree.

I think ill just keep that to myself.

After that the next few hours had consisted of me and Naruto progressively adding more leaves to more points on our bodys. Supposedly, the average academy student could have a leaf on there forehead, one on their nose, and one between their shoulder blades, as well as one on the back and palm of each hand. The average child took about two to three days to accomplish this, and while Naruto was still overcharging his chakra and working on getting the two on his face to stay, I had managed to move on to the final one. Between the shoulder blades. That's when things got. . . interesting.

You see me and Naruto are Uzumaki, and the Uzumaki clan was infamous for having more than one Bloodline limit. Every member of the clan had vast chakra and advanced healing, a handful could heal others if the injured person bit down hard enough to draw blood.

But then there were chakra chains.

The Uzumaki chakra chains always manifested differently in every member that had access to them. Uzumaki Kushina's chains were massive and came out of her belly, possessing the power to nullify chakra, allowing her to hold down even a tailed beast.

Mine erupted out from between my shoulder blades. And they were VERY different from a normal Uzumakis.

You remember how my "Mad Mage" power fused to my healing and mad it faster? Well apparently it had also affected my chains, because although they were initially purple and made of chakra, a layer of SKIN immediately grew around the four, turning them into a strange single tail like appendage.

It felt so WEIRD!

I could actually feel and move it, thrashing around behind me like it had a mind of its own. The damn thing was a little less than twice my Hight in length, and when I tried to move it deliberately, it split back into four. Now Naruto was looking on in wonder at "Sis's cool new trick" while Kakashi looked on in mild horror at the fact that i had just sprouted tentacles. Though that's not the right word for them. They each had "fur" or in this case really short hair covering them, with plates of bone covering the top half like armor. They also ended in a tip made out to bone. For a moment I was absolutely horrified that I would be stuck with these, but at Kakashi's behest I canceled the chakra flow and thankfully the skin and bone turned to dust as the chakra chains retreated.

Needless to say, I was not allowed to focus chakra in that area until further notice, lest I become a biological Doctor octopus again. thankfully I was still in my hospital gown, so my clothes didn't get torn off…

Anyhow, after Naruto spent a little while longer developing his skill at leaf balancing, only blowing up 20 more leaves with too much chakra before finally being able to balance all 7 leaves for 5 minutes. After that, whether he got a message or had been keeping track of time I'm not sure, but Kakashi once again tossed us over his shoulders and declared it was time to brake in our new home.

He talked it up real nice, but since I had watched Naruto, I knew what to expect.

Shity apartment here we come.

**Hokage Tower**

Currently Hiruzen Sarutobi sat across from his old student while a cup of sake for each of them sat on the table next to the bottle that the old monkey had been saving specifically for her return.

*tap tap tap*

"Hime."

*tap tap tap*

"you noticed it too dident you?"

*tap tap tap*

"Tsunade?"

*sigh* "how could I miss it? With the hell she went through that girl should be a trembling mess, but the only outward sign of discomfort was at nudity, and that's not that bad. The girls too at ease, and her healing is far more than any Uzumaki I've ever seen. I dare say from what the Uchiha boy described her healing is even faster than my grandfathers. It's just not natural."

The old man nodded at this, as it was exactly what he was thinking. "Tsunade. I know they are your godchildren, and I would never say this lightly, but we need to consider the facts here."

The busty woman sighed again, knowing exactly what her old teacher was alluding to. "Kushina was only pregnant with one child. Tsukimi, you really think that she is-"

"I know it's a long shot." He spoke up again, throwing the sake down his gullet before continuing. "it is not a high possibility, but with the intellect she possesses even though she was never properly taught, her inhuman healing, the way she just seemed to not even care about the fact that she was basically MURDERED multiple times. And finally, her apparent LAUGHTER during her attack we need to consider the real possibility that she is in fact-"

"the Kubi"

To their credit, the two seated didn't even jump when their comrade made his presence know from the window. The white hared man mad his way into the room, seating himself next to his old teammate.

"Jiriya."

"Hime."

The two exchanged a nod as their old teacher brought out a third glass for his newly arrived other student. "Jiriya I'm afraid that the case is exactly that. Its unlikely, but it is possible that its consciousness is somehow inhabiting the body we know as Tsukimi."

The man assessed his old teacher and teammate, having not seen the former in months, and the later in years. "It would explain her extra spiritual chakra. And if it turns out she is, what will you do?"

"For now nothing."

They all downed a glass of the top shelf alcohol together, before the elder continued. "even if its true, she seems to hold Naruto dearly, so I'm content to let them stay together, however, if she proves to be a threat, or manipulating him, we will have no choice."

All three of their expressions darkened as one morbid thought passed threw all of their minds.

But it was a fourth voice that spoke that thought from the doorway, from the lips of one who had been listening in since the beginning.

"You mean to eliminate her then?"

"if it should come to that than I see no other way. *sigh* but lets not only dwell on such morbid topic, it's been to long since we were all together-"

"Orochimaru-kun."

**The Twins Apartment**

I Called it.

The apartment that Kakashi showed us to was indeed the one from the show, although it had yet to be left to waste away by a clueless Naruto, something I would NOT be allowing. As it had been a rather long day the scarecrow decided to keep the tour simple. One bedroom, kitchen, living room, walk in closet. All in all, it was actually a fairly nice apartment. We, and of course by that I mean I, would need to make sure it STAYED nice.

After the tour it was already night time and I could not WAIT for a nice long nap. Tomorrow would be a busy day, shopping for school, getting clothes, as well as stalking up on food. Come to think of it we probably need a jonin to come with us, I'd rather not have those asshole villagers chase me.

"oy, sis?" Naruto broke me out of my musings, Kakashi had since left the apartment and the two of us were laying down on the two futons laid out for us on the bedroom floor. "ya kid?" I responded with my nickname for him, he always wondered why I called him that but ill never tell. "is everyting really gonna get better now?"

I merely chuckled at that. He may be too young to understand, but I could tell that he was really just asking if I was ok. He had this way of asking personal questions indirectly. Don't ask me how it developed, cause I'm the only one he talks too and I certainly didn't teach him that. . .

I really hope I haven't accidentally killed the talk no jutsu. . .

"You know what naru? I think were both going to be just fine." I reached over and ruffled his hair for good measure. With that he finally seemed to relax. I was about to fall asleep myself when the universe decided that I had MORE shit to deal with.

By shit, I mean what I'm guessing is my "Mind Scape". The moment my head hit the pillow I found myself in what looked like a crappy remake of my old home town. I say crappy, because there was not a single square inch of grass or trees to bee seen, just buildings and roads. And the buildings were all so tall I couldn't see over them, making the whole thing into a massive maze. Luckily, I didn't have to traverse said maze though, because I was evidently already where I needed to be.

Judging by the voices booming out from nowhere

"_**WELCOME MORTAL! TO THE BIRTH AND DEATH OF YOUR VERY EXISTENCE!"**_

Now as far as I knew I did not have any tailed beasts inside me, and if this really was my mindscape, which I'm assuming it is and not some lucid dream, I could only really think of one thing to say to the scary sky voice. "Jashin, is that you?" this time a slightly different voice spoke up, only it was not nearly as intimidating.

"_COCKA-DOODLE-DO THE COW SAYS MOOOO! PIZZA TIME!"_

…

"_**sorry about her shes a dumb-ass, and no jashin is not real that hidan guy is just a wack job"**_

I dident really know what to say to that, so I chose instead to just wait for the voice to continue.

"_**ehem. Anyway I should introduce myself, rather I should explain what I am."**_

My foot started tapping as I waited for this voice to get to the point, I had very important sleep to get back to and my possible insanity did not change that!

"_**so essentially when you died in the real world, I broke off from your base personality and sort of became my own being. Minus a body of course." **_

My head tilted to the side as I processed that information. "so, you're basically a split personality? Are you different from me or are we basically the same person split two ways?"

"_**ok so you know how you haven't been feeling pain normally? Basically, whenever you get hurt I feel it instead of you. So I'm your pain given its own mind I guess?"**_

_**. . .**_"that doesn't make any sense."

"_IT WILL IF YOU JUST BELIVE MR. KRABS!"_

i sighed in absolute defeat at the repeated antics of the second voice. "ok 'pain' voice, who's the other one?"

"_**ok so you know how I was created by your painful death? I keep you from feeling pain and from being afraid of water, since you, ya know, drowned. The other voice was created from a… DIFFERENT traumatic experience to help you avoid serious emotional damage."**_

…"Are you telling me that that other personality is-"

"_**The shed voice yes yes she is."**_

at this my palm was firmly and swiftly introduced to my forehead. "That explains why I'm not freaking out, well about THAT anyway. The whole multi personality disorder thing is kinda bumming me out."

"_WAFFLES!"_

"_**Hey look on the bright side, you can use your op healing without worrying about building up a pain tolerance, AND you might actually be able to have a relationship in the future since the crazy one took on all your emotional baggage!"**_

"than why am I afraid of being naked?"

"_**Haven't you ALWAYS had a weird thing about that?"**_

…oh ya. I forgot. american standards of decency are fucked.

"_Those damn umppa lumppas wouldn't let me in the chocolate factory, and now I'm wanted for arson in thirteen states!"_

"_**wtf?"**_

"wtf?"

"_BUBBLES!"_

"_**. . .anyway I just wanted to let you know we were here. We can talk to you while your awake too, and we can also access your sensing ability to help you out if your not focusing in a situation!"**_

"_*gasp* IM YOUR SPIDY SENCES!"_

And after that… riveting conversation, my mindscape faded away and I fell into a deep blissful sleep till morning.

The next morning was thankfully uneventful. Naruto slept well into the afternoon, this probably being the most comfortable thing he's ever slept on I decided to have another look around the house, but unfortunately it held no fun secrets for me to explore. How boring. According to the dingy clock hanging up in the living room, it was about 1 pm when our escort for the day finally arrived. Naruto was ecstatic to be able to safely explore the village.

I nearly shat myself the second the door opened.

I felt the chakra before it even got near the apartment. It felt WRONG in a way, like that weird feeling when you try to pick something up but it keeps slipping out of your hands, like an eel or maybe a. . .

*knock knock knock* "Ku ku ku you must be little Naruto kun!"

One second I was sitting on the couch that had been provided for our living room, the next thing I knew my Chakra chains were out and I was standing in front of my brother staring down a man who could easily tear me in half. The snake pedo was not only in the village, but he had somehow walked right passed the anbu detail the hokage had protecting the house! I know hes good at hiding but how the hell had he gotten so far in broad daylight?

To his credit, the snake sannin dident seem at all surprised by my weird back-tail thing, nor did he seem surprised by my defensive actions. "Tsuki-chan, please don't be afraid, the hokage sent me to escort you and your brother, you remember the old man yes? Why don't you just calm down ok?"

"_**Tsuki , remember this is a branch universe from original Naruto, its entirely possible he's isn't a traitor, or at least not yet anyway."**_

"_his chakra smells funny, don't get in his van Tsuki-chan!"_

That's not gonna stop any time soon.. great.

Deciding to go against my better judgment I stopped the chakra flow to my pseudo tail and allowed Orochimaru to enter our home. After a few minutes he had introduced himself and pulled out some boxed lunches for us to eat. I thought it was decent, nothing special but definitely better than the literal table scraps id been eating for the last few years.

Naruto took one bite and proceeded to completely devour the entire meal in seconds.

I think I know where our monthly allowance is going from now on, and it smells like ramen.

Naru was looking at the snake like god had just descended from heaven, I was praying to whatever ACTUAL gods might be out there that he forgot about the pale man so that I didn't have to worry about him coming home one day with two heads or something. After getting reprimanded for using my 'tail' without permission, our strange party of three headed straight for the shopping sector of the village. When he asked the two of us what we would like to do first I immediately demanded to check out a clothing store. He didn't need to ask why, as Naruto was currently wearing his old rags, and I was still in a hospital gown.

If we hadn't been getting weird looks because of who we were, we were definitely getting them for our current appearance. I looked like I just escaped a mental hospital and my brother looked like he was an escaped slave. Orochimaru, even if he wasn't yet a traitor, still looked like he played castle crashers with little boys.

It took a little over an hour but Naru and I had thoroughly collected enough clothes to keep us warm and comfortable till we hit our next growth spurt. Orochimaru even made sure we got our clothes a little bigger than necessary so we wouldn't grow out of them to quickly. I still had no idea if I could trust this version of him or not, I did not have enough information to tell weather he would still betray the village or not, but for now I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. All of the shirts I got where mostly just simple long-sleeved shirts, 5 purple ones and one blue one with a Konoha leaf on the back. I had also gotten mostly sweat pants, as the only real alternative this store had for young girls were tight style jeans and skirts that were too short for my taste. I didn't know why they dont have anything longer, but I suppose this IS the land of fire so most of the clothing options are meant for warm weather. Naruto, gods bless him, had attempted to purchase his unholy orange "kill me" outfit. When I told him to return it, not only could we not find where it came from, but according to the store owner they did not even sell that style of clothing, much less the color.

Orochimaru had promptly burnt it to a crisp while I convinced my brother to such for something less…

Hideous.

At the end of our visit I had gotten a pair of children's sandals along with my outfit, and Naruto had purchased some shorts, a handful of assorted tshirts, and after some BEGGING(as well as a utilization of puppy eyes jutsu) he had purchased a orange jacket. Thankfully this one was less kill me and more simple eye sore, but if he liked it I wouldn't complain.

I swear the kubi made him where that color or something.

After paying for everything and changing into some of the new clothes the snake sannin led us over to a store that sold supplies for the ninja academy. Though, the word store dident do the place justice. The place was easily the size of a shopping mall, and apparently it also had fairly tight security. In order to even enter the place you had to be entered into the academy. After entering they had basic school supply's as well as kunai and shrunken that weren't sharp but were weighted to be accurate for throwing practice. The next levels of the building were inaccessible to us though, as you needed to be in second year to get into it. Apparently after that were sections specifically geared to what you would need for each year of the academy, while the last section was actually the Konoha genin library which was home to books and scrolls on genjutsu, taijutsu, and ninjutsu from the E ranked clone jutsu to the B ranked earth style: mud wall. Anything above that though was located in the Konoha shinobi library, which was far more secure and possessed every justsu in Konoha that wasn't a clan secret or a forbidden technique. (of course any ninja worth their salt never even wrote their original jutsu down so there were still probably thousands of unrecorded jutsu and fighting styles that couldn't be learned at that library either.)

We purchased nothing worth mentioning. Since we were just starting (and had received literally no education prior) we only needed the practice throwing weapons and normal school basics. I have to say, having one of the worlds most dangerous ninja hissing at anyone who so much as looked at us wrong was a good deterrent from the assholes who thought Naruto was the nine tails and that I was his slave or whatever. In fact, nothing of note occurred during the trip other than who we passed on our way out. Even without the green horror that his sensei would eventually give him little Rock Lee could be recognized easily by his massive eyebrows.

The rest of our day with old pale white and slithery was spent with him trying to explain what kind of food we should be getting for our meals every week while Naruto tried and failed to remember his words and I listened, but made it look like I was ignoring him just to piss him off.

Once shopping was officially done it had already gotten pretty late in the day, and the snake decided to take us out to dinner before taking us home. (it should also be noted that he was carrying all our things in a storage scroll. I should definitely see if I had any talent for fuinjutsu.) needless to say after catching sight of the legendary noodle stand in the corner of my eye I was dragging both Naruto and Orochimaru along by the hands. After we were seated the old man behind the counter, who introduced himself as Teuchi while 'humbly' welcoming the sannin to his shop. I was also extremely grateful that he greeted me and Naru with no less joy in his expression. He than asked us if we knew what we would like to order, and that's when I made a rather big mistake. 5 years in this new world. 2 of those years capable of coherent thought. 2 years teaching my brother how to speak, making absolutely sure only to use the basics, so that my excuse of "learning by listening" was at least slightly believable. But it had been a stressful week even with my apparent separate personality's handling most of the 'damage' and in a moment of weakness I had basically sent MYSELF to Ibiki's chamber of fun.

"Naru you should try miso!" I don't know what possessed me, maybe it was the mental fatigue, maby it was because I was trying to cheer him up from the funk he'd been in since my… accident. But either way I knew the second I uttered the words that I was doomed.

Orochimaru, to his credit, didn't miss a beat telling Teuchi to bring us three orders of that same ramen. But I could FEEL his gaze watching my every movment.

There is no situation where I could have possibly learned what 'miso ramen' was. And even if I HAD herd of it within the last day, somebody who had been locked in a room for all five years of their short life would have no way of knowing what ramen looked like other than the lunch we ate today, except we were never told the name of the meal. so I shouldn't have known this was a ramen shop. But he didn't point that out.

His silence terrified me.

The ramen was delicious, I don't know how Naru fit 5 full bowls into his malnourished stomach, but he did. It was so good I almost forgot my terror, but sadly even my twin physic brakes couldn't protect me from how royally I had fucked up.

The walk home was spent by the snake telling Naruto and me how much fun we were going to have once the academy started, as well as telling us that "the nice man" Kakashi was going to come by our house every day till the academy started up to help catch us up to date on our basic knowledge as much as he could.

His eye's never left me the entire walk.

After unpacking back at home the snake left us, but I had no doubt I wouldn't be sleeping easy. What did the man suspect? That I was a spy? No there was no opportunity for somebody to train me or any of that crap. but what else was there? I wasn't the Jinchuriki so it's not like I was being influenced by the-

Oh! That could work!

I'm still not sure what theories the sannin, and no doubt by now the hokage, had on my impossible knowledge, but what if I could actually create a believable excuse?

_** "It's risky Tsuki, but it could work. No. it has to, otherwise were getting mind walked and then it's all fucked."**_

"_Mashed potatoes dull the taste of burning flesh! Tehe"_

It was settled, tonight after Naruto was asleep, I would get help from the only person I knew could be trusted with knowledge of the future, even if mine was seemingly useless at the moment.

Tonight, I would meet big orange and fluffy.

Naruto and I both brushed our teeth like we had been shown by kakashi earlier, and proceeded to change into the PJ's we had purchased along with our other clothes. We both layed down in our futons, Naru clearly exhausted after what was essentially the second biggest day of his life. But before he closed his eyes to sleep, he decided to speak to me again. "Sis? Do you not like mr. oc-ochi-ochiru? You were looking at em funny awl day."

Oh. Moral moment. Do I try and convince my brother to stay away from the pale man because of my knowledge of a version of him from a different universe? In the end, I didn't have the heart to try and make the lovable ball of energy hate someone. I also didn't think he would understand if I did try.

"na, im just tired kiddo. Sorry if I made ya worry."

"Sis?" he spoke as I tuned out the light turning tword him as darkness engulfed us.

"Ya?"

"were gonna be awesome ninja, aren't we?"

"ya."

"I jus got a question."

"What is it Naru?"

"wats a ninja?"

*snicker* "ill tell you in the morning little brother."

I waited for about an hour before enacting my plan.

It was a simple idea really, I'd reach out to the small amount of nine tails chakra I could feel leaking into Narutos system, and then me and my two extra personalities would basically beg the fox to drag us into the seal until he responded or until we gave up. I thought it might not work, or that it would take a long time to achieve my goal.

I was not expecting to black out the instant my chakra made contact.

The next thing I knew, I was no longer in bed next to my brother, but in a two-inch puddle of water that engulfed the entire floor of the massive sewer like structure I found myself in. and there, pressing against the massive cage with a tag reading 'seal' in the middle of it, was…

"FUCKING FINALY! IVE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO YOU FOR FIVE FUCKING YEAR'S DID YOU _SERIOUSLY_ NEVER THING TO TRY THIS BEFORE NOW?!"

A very irate, very massive, and very FEMALE sounding nine tailed fox.

Balls.

**Fufufu. I have to admit, besides its rather morbid start I'm really enjoying this story. I hope you also enjoyed reading it, cause ethers definitely more where this came from. And don't worry, I will be moving along to the later academy years next, as well as getting to the genin arc within the next few chapters, so that I wont just be dawdling in the childhood years too long.**

**As for the next chapter, I hope you like fuzzy, cause there's gonna be a lot of it, and its going to be orange. And following that? We can move along to my personal spin on the emo genocide!**

**In the future I will be leaving little votes after certain chapters to get your opinions on certain aspects of the story I haven't decided on.**

**Since this story isn't really big at the moment I'm not expecting a lot, but if you enjoy and have the time please feel free to participate in the votes or to just leave your general thoughts and comments.**

**This vote will be here until I get to the point in the story where its relevant, so there's plenty of time to act on it till then.**

**Hiruzen: dead or alive?**

**With that I bid you all a pleasant day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear god. When was the last time I uploaded? Ah im sure the fans wont notice. Not when I switch into….**

**MAXIMUM FANSURVICE!**

**Since its been awhile ill skip the intro stuff and just let you all get right into it.**

I stood dumbfounded in the ankle-deep water as the massive embodiment of all that is fluffy stared me down with… a pouty look on her face. "sooo." I began, braking the silence. "you said you've been waiting? I guess that means you can see through Naru's eyes and stuff?" The fox leaned back with a sigh. "Listen human, I've been in this new container for five years now and for that entire time I felt you sitting next to him. I know you aren't a normal child so fess up before I lose my patience!" with the way the demons voice bounced off the walls like a clap of thunder you'd think she already lost it.

"ok look can't you just read my mind or something because this is a SUPER long story?" the fox immediately followed my question by thrusting its claw through the cage and INSIDE MY FOREHEAD! I felt dizzy for a moment as a sensation of what can only describe and a vacuum cleaner sucking on my skull filled my head, and then the world went black. When I finally came too, I was still within Naruto's mindscape judging by the massive fox still taking up my vision. The fox who was currently clutching her head while spouting what I was certain were curses and pyrophanites in multiple different languages.

"You ok over their fuzzy butt?" apparently speaking up was the wrong decision because my next new experience of the day was a massive gaping maw roaring at me in full volume "THERE ARE ANGRY RHINOES IN MY SKULL AND THEY HAVE GRANADE LAUNCHERS HOLY FUCK!". After giving her some time to… cope with my memory's, or at least I assume that's why she was clutching her head and screaming about… rhinos. "soooo…" I began once again. "did you just see ALL my memory's or did you just skim or something?"

"auugh, kid I just absorbed every detail of your first life and let me just say who the FUCK puts pineapple and olives on pizza?!" I stared off the fox before deadpanning. "that's just rude ya know." The beast wrinkled her muzzle in disgust before inquiring a very important question. Why did I take so long to contact her. "well, the main reason I didn't try to approach you before was because I didn't want to accidentally hurt myself or Naru. I also, understandably, thought you would be the original version of Kurama, and was kinda scared you would eat me or something."

The fox huffed. "you shouldn't use my name so lightly human, but I see your point. Now let's get down to business, shall we? You need something and that's why you're here right? Well?" I nodded in confirmation. "ya I fucked up. Me and Naruto have never been outside before the last two days and I accidentally showed more knowledge than I should have been able to know, so now the snake bastard is on to me." The fox's laughter shook the entire room, throwing me back a bit from the sheer force of it. "KIT NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON BELIEVED YOUR DUMB-ASS EXCUSE'S THEY JUST DIDENT CALL YOU OUT BECAUSE THEY FELT BAD FOR YOU MUHAHAHAHAHA!"

…"but if they dident believe me from the beginning than what did they think?"

"They thought you were me in a human shape."

…

…

"it's the eyes isent it."

"kid its literally EVERYTHING you've done since you got out of that orphanage. The fox snickered again as I face palmed.

After that little episode me and big fluffy got our story together. Two years ago I had been unconsciously playing around with my chakra and had brushed up against my brothers seal. The fox dragged me in and began teaching me how to speak along with the basics of self-care and other essential pieces of knowledge which I then began passing on to Naruto. the fox also explained why it had not contacted Naruto in these five years. It turns out that in this universe Kurama had actually been close friends with Kushina and when Minato sealed the fox into my brother, he intended to make it easy for them to communicate.

Apparently, Minato had fucked the seal up big time.

Not only was the part of the seal intended to allow communication between prisoner and host reversed to make communication impossible, the chakra filtration system was so fucked it basically didn't exist. Not only was this creating a massive imbalance in Naruto's chakra, but it would also drastically shorten his lifespan, unlike a normal Jinchuriki who would have a longer lifespan than a normal human.

After learning this the deal between me and the fox was simple really, she would cover for me and confirm to anyone who asked that I learned everything I knew from her, and in return I would convince the Hokage of the seals faults and get him to fix the damn thing so that the fox could begin training Naruto. After all, even though my brother would not be allowed in on the information we had of the future any time soon, he WOULD need to get stronger to combat the Akasuki. The fox would train Naruto in the mindscape every night, and in the morning, he would teach me whatever he learned. Apparently being in someone else's mindscape was dangerous so I would not be able to repeat this adventure very often.

After that the fox and I began covering one last very important piece of information. My bloodline.

From what the Ninetails knew, my power was actually essentially the same as a tailed beasts just with much more emphasis on negative emotion. the difference being a tailed beast was merely enhanced by negative emotions while my chakra was literally MADE out of them, though i could still use the normal stuff of coarse. The healing was a passive ability, but there was actually a massive number of different things I could do with this power. The only problem? In order to use any of the ability's it could give me I needed to absorb negative emotions.

now that i think about it this is gonna be kinda easy. like a millennial using a stress powered battery.

while the fox could not think of an immediate way for me to store it up naturally (since sage chakra of any form could VERY easily go wrong if used incorrectly and we both had NO idea how mine worked) A solution to this was actually simple, I would just need some sort of seal which absorbed the concept of negative emotions!

REALLY hoping i inherited somthing in the way of seals from my 'parents'. caus i dont know how to explain to a seal master that I basically want a store of orphan tears at all times.

but the endeavor to unlock my unique chakra would be worth it since doing so, according to the kubi, would let me use a technique that only tailed beasts could use.

air walking.

The fox gave me a weird look while I jumped up and down for ten solid minutes screaming 'time for bird' at the top of my lungs.

After my episode of being a total spaz, Kurama informed me Naruto was stirring, and left me with one final warning.

"Listen well human." She said. "Near the end of his life, Minato was investigating the Snake's illegal experiments. He had a raid planned to arrest the Sannin and end his horrifying 'research', but it appears that something possessed that foolish monkey of a Hokage revoked the order after his successor died. Orochimaru may be keeping a low profile now, hell he might have stopped, but the simple fact remains he is just as demented and sick as the monster from "original Naruto.""

A pungent pause filled the air as the world around me slowly began to fade away, and one final phrase met my ears before I returned to the real world.

"The snake has taken interest in you. no matter what happens, keep your guard up… or you may end up with your body just as twisted as your mind.

The next morning began with me waking up, taking nearly half an hour to wake up Naruto, and eating a hearty breakfast of this worlds equivalent of a cinnamon pop-tart. And I mean a literal pop-tart, same name and packaging. Are inter dimensional copyright laws a thing? Ahhh who cares it tasted good and I had more pressing matters to deal with. Three knocks at the door, just like yesterday. The snake was back it seemed, and I would rather get the whole "I'm not the kubi" thing cleared up ASAP! Luckily my main character of a brother was busy devouring the remaining toaster treats, so I was free to answer the door and spark the… AWKWARD discussion.

As the door swung open I was once again met with the sight of the rather terrifying snake man, and in that moment I, in classic airhead fashion, completely forgot the whole speech I had spent two hours on with a certain nine tailed canine. What did this result in you may wonder? Well I'm no expert linguist, but screaming "I'm not the fox demon please don't eat me" and then slamming the door in the shocked mans face PROBABLY wasn't a very rousing speech. Opening the door again, I had the decency to look sheepish as I made eye contact with the-

Oh that's not a happy face.

I could feel what could only be a flair of chakra, and in seconds there was chaos. Narutos head hit the table as an anbu clad shinobi chopped the back of his neck rendering him unconscious, my door flew off its hinges, an entire SQUAD of masked nin surrounded me, and finally the snake man expanded his arm to inhuman lengths and wrapped it around me right before charging to the Hokage tower in what might possibly be record time. While most of my surroundings were a blur till we stopped, I was able to make out the sight of strange symbols on the doorway of the room I was tossed in.

Seals.

Oh poop.

After getting unceremoniously tossed into this completely empty room I was cloaked in darkness. Because there was not a single light source. It was a small, empty dark room. My best guess is that I'm in some sort of extremely advanced prison cell meant to negate chakra. Now any sane person in my situation would wait for the Hokage and whoever else would be coming to no doubt interrogate me so I could explain my "story" to them.

Buuuuut.

I had a theory, based on one of kumama's descriptions of the Mad Sage chakra I should be able to "suck" the chakra out of people, objects, or even seals since all chakra contained trace amounts of emotion from the person or thing it came from. Reaching out my senses, I focused on the latent chakra I could feel in the room around me and imagined it flowing out of its housing and into me-

But nothing happened. probably for the best. do NOT want to see what over absorbing 'Mad" chakra will do to me.

"_**well maby if you weren't such a dumb-ass we would be sipping tea and talking calmly instead of sitting in LITTERAL darkness."**_

"_INDEED! The inner machinations of corresponding instances of reality suggest the current outcome to be 89.3197% certain to occur regardless of any alterations in our interaction with Orochimaru!"_

…

…

I shake my head in simple amusement. "where the hell were you two last night?"

"_**well WE were both locked within your own mindscape because of your chat with kurama, having us in your brother's mindscape could have LITERALLY melted his brain."**_

…"and the crazy one?"

"_**well you know I represent physical pain? She represents mental pain. And it just so happens that unlike a sane human who would be the emotional equivalent of a potato after what happened to you, YOUR way of coping with your situation was becoming a hyper focused madwoman running on pure spite."**_

I sighed in bitter defeat. "so all the crazy talk is her fucking with me?"

"_I peed and poured bleach in the toilet and now my bones are ichy!"_

"_**With US boss, she's fucking with both of us."**_

trying to focus on ANYTHING else I decided to move on to something I deemed important. "Ya as if I needed that on top of everything else right now. Actually, now that I think about it you two need names. I can't just keep calling you pain and she- and bad voice."

"_**hmm. You make a good point. Id have you keep calling me pain but that's going to get confusing if we live long enough to fight Nagato."**_

thinking quickly i spouted out the first name i thought of. "Ok then how about I call you… null? Since you 'nullify' my pain? And then I'll call the other one-"

"_DISCORD!"_

"NO! no my little pony reference's!"

"_BUT FRIENDSHIP IS MAAAGIC!"_

"Jesus Christ fine ill call you discord just NEVER say that again."

"_dose it annoy you?"_

"No. its trademarked."

"…"

"…"

Unfortunately, I didn't have any more time to argue the finer points of corporate lawsuits with myself as I was brought face to face with the Hokage, and a man who could only be a Yamanaka. Actually, I'm pretty sure this was Ino's dad, what was his name again? Oh right Inoichi! The expert in… reading… minds.

Oh sugar honey ice tea.

"Tsuki-chan" the old mans voice held all the power befitting his position, and none of the kindness I had herd on our first meeting.

Oh ya, he's pissed.

The door closed, sealing the three of us in, though unlike last time a light activated in the ceiling so that we were not in complete darkness. That would not be a very intimidating interrogation. "I'm going to give you one chance. You need to tell me everything, and before you try to lie please remember that I'm the leader of a NINJA village for a good reason."

And so I talked.

Thankfully with this worlds Kurama being more 'friendly' in the past it wasn't THAT difficult to convince the god of shinobi I was not going to try and eat everyone. I just stuck to the script and everything panned out. Now as far as he was concerned my knowledge came from training with the nine tails after an accidental trip to my brother's mindscape, I passed the wisdom to my brother bla bla bla, he doesn't know about the kubi yet bla bla bla,I informed him of Narutos screwed up seal and the old man left, according to him upon returning to the room he had informed Jiryia of the issue and sent the white haired ninja to fix it. AND I also gave them 'everything' I knew about my bloodline. Save the hatred part, as not even kurama could explain that one away. as far as they were concerned it was a healing ability and nothing more. The snake had already given him the details on my strange mutated chakra chains and he obviously had seen the whole healing thing before. I was extremely grateful when he told me I would be allowed to attended the academy with Naruto normally in a few weeks. I was even MORE grateful when I found out that the head of the Yamanaka was not in fact going to walk in my head as it was apparently dangerous for someone so young. I was NOT so grateful to find out his actual reason for being here.

Therapy.

Hiruzen left the room and the blond man squatted down in front of me and began bombarding me with questions. How did I feel? How much did I remember from the shed? Did I talk to the fox about that? Did the fox ever try to tell me do hurt people? Was being alone with men making me uncomfortable?

It was hard to answer some of them, especially since the newly named discord would start screeching every time the shed was mentioned.

The Shed is a taboo subject so says the crazy voice in my head.

My discomfort tripled however when he revealed that he knew about my little voices.

"kiddo, I come from as family that specializes in the mind, and I know what the chakra of a schizophrenic feels like. You know what that word means yes?" I probably looked like a kid caught with one hand in the cookie jar. I am definitely going on a watch list, honestly I'm shocked that I'm still going to school.

Then again, it's a ninja school, crazy is kind of a requirement for that profession if the original story is anything to go off of.

"now before you go I just want to run a simple test." His test seemed innocent enough. He was going to place a sort of seal on me that would allow him to safely communicate with my voices so he could determine weather or not they were safe to leave alone. (apparently the chakra enhanced version of the disorder was not so uncommon among ninja)

He placed the seal, and everything SEEMED fine. I did not hear them talking, but the way his jaw was moving subtly with-ought his lips opening gave the impression he was mentally talking.

And then his eyes opened and he screamed, then he passed out.

"guys what the hell did you do?!"

"_**discord did it."**_

"_I REGRET THE 80's!"_

…"context null?"

"_**Discord showed him the shed."**_

…

_Oh god_

"_THERE IS NO GOD HERE, ONLY TOES!"_

"_**on the plus Blondie did find something useful about the two of us"**_

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose while shuffling around the passed out clanhead. "Please keep in mind that I can apparently still get migraines when you define 'useful'."

"_**two words. Photographic. Memory."**_

… "go on."

"_**due to the 'magic' or chakra or whatever that made me and discord we also take up key parts of your brain. Ill skip the bio mumbo jumbo but basically discords visual memory is perfect and my **__**muscle memory is perfect, what that means is-"**_

"You mean to tell me that you can master taijutsu, discord could master seals, and I could focus on mastering ninjutsu?"

"_**yep, and since we would be learning them separately we would make significantly more progress than any normal person could when learning something."**_

"_yes yes that's all grand magnificent stupendous but also quite dangerous! With the added factor of an enhanced brainwave function and multiple personality disorder I have concluded a 73% chance of irreparable brain trauma upon the use of the shadow clone technique, therefor it should never be used!"_

Well there goes that training method… aw well ill leave Naruto his signature jutsu, I cant be stealing all of the fun after all! At this point in our conversation I had reached the door to exit the building. This was the moment of truth. The first time I had ventured outside since-

"_NO TALKING ABOUT THE SHED REEEEEEEEEEE!"_

…ok that's a thing. Regardless I opened the door and stepped outside. Deciding I did not need to head back to the apartment just yet, I chose instead to wander around a bit. Null and discord memorized every turn we took and every face we saw, it was a strange sensation having other people remember things for me, but im not complaining about the living gps in my head. It was while on this little stroll of mine that I noticed something. Chakra signatures. Everyone and everything had a signature of it own, in fact I could almost see the world around me with my eyes closed. Speaking of closed eyes, it had already grown dark and I may as well have kept them closed considering the complete lack of light on the streets. These lanterns seriously gave off no light at all. Closing my eyes again so I could use "chakra vision" however, I noticed something rather odd.

And by odd I mean there was someone standing less than a foot away from me. My reaction was perfectly natural and understandable.

"NO NOT THE SHED!"

I kicked right where I believed the mystery persons crotch would be, only to feel a strong firm hand wrap around my skinny leg and lift me up like I weighed nothing. Probably because I dident weigh more than 50 pounds soaking wet. I gazed up from my not too elegant position into the eyes of the person who had so easily owned me. And strongly enough the face was familiar. The dim lantern light glimmered off a clean mop of raven black hair, highlighting the tired lines under their equally black eyes. An Uchiha then, though not one I would know since this one was female and I didn't know many of those.

"apologies little one, I saw you out alone and thought you might be lost." She began. "do you need help getting home?"

I shrugged as best I could while upside down. "sorry miss but I'm not supposed to talk to strangers"

God did I actually say that? I sounded like a child- oh. Right. Still sounds pathetic though.

"ah I apologies, I did not introduce myself." And then she spoke the words that all but confirmed that this world was completely different from original Naruto cannon.

"You can call me itachi, its nice to meet you little one."

…

"…"

"_HOLY SHIT ITACHI HAS A VAGINA!"_

_Oh sweet jesus._

***meanwhile in Naruto's mindscape***

_The kubi no kitsune was having quite the interesting week if she was being perfectly honest. First she met that strange kit from another world, and now she was finally meeting her 'jailer' and well…_

"_OHMYKAMIYOURSOFLUFFYIMGONNADIECANIPETYOUCANICANICANICANI"_

_He's about exactly what she expected out of kushina's son. Even unconscious those Uzumaki were so damn hyper. So while she prayed that nobody would ever find out about this little moment…_

_She did in fact let him pet her._

_Stupid humans._

***Back with Itachi and Tsuki***

Back in the real world Itachi was one of my favorite characters in, well anything really. And although this version was packing different… equipment. She was undoubtedly the same person I had come to enjoy watching.

That sounded less creepy in my head.

She dident bother taking me straight home. Instead, with-ought a word of input from me I was dragged along the surprisingly barren streets of Konoha to-

A dango shop. Why did I suddenly have a bad feeling?

Upon entering the little shop I immediately recognized the look on the shopkeepers face. The same look that the rampaging crowd had given me the other day. A even mixture of rage and horror. Before the man could speak whatever inane comment he was preparing to utter however, there was a brief barely noticeable flash of red, and suddenly the man was happily taking our order and treating me like a normal person. I knew itachi had just screwed with the guys brain, but I didn't really care.

Ignorant prick.

And that is the story of how me and the future homicidal secret savior of Konoha ate 72 plates of dango at midnight on a Tuesday.

I only had three of those plates.

We did not make much conversation, in part because I was still a bit dumbfounded by meeting itachi, and also due to then fact that said girl was eating dango so fast I'm shocked she didn't eat the sticks along with the food. With our 'meal' done the older girl left some money on the table and escorted me home. Once she confirmed I was not locked out she bid me a goodnight with one final message.

"it was a pleasure meeting you Tsuki-chan, if you ever find yourself in need of anything, just come down to the Uchiha district. You and your little brother will always be welcome."

And thus in a swirl of ravens she disappeared and I was alone.

"_**you better get inside boss, naruto's gotta be freaking out after being home alone so long."**_

"Thanks for the commentary null but if jiryia did his job the kid just had his seal fixed so hes probably still with the kubi."

"_I can smell colors."_

"That's nice discord"

"_purple smells like Wednesday!"_

"I do not expect my sanity to last long"…

"_**You were sane at some point?"**_

…

And while this internal conversation drifted to gods know where I noticed something strange about my house.

More specifically I noticed my brother was sleeping. In the dining area.

On the celling.

…

"_**Should we fix that?"**_

"_don't worry the floor will cushion his fall, its nice like that."_

"Ya null he will be fine."

I dragged some pillows under him… just to be safe.

After this exhausting day I would be able to sleep peacefully for once, after all years of horrid conditions, then a hospital bed, and then the kubi, I hadn't had a chance to just lie down and sleep yet.

And I had a feeling I'd need to cherish the chance while I had it.

***Meanwhile, at an 'abandoned' lab outside Konoha***

'clack' 'clack' 'clack'

The slipperiest of the three sannin was hunched over his "high tech" computer, imputing data on his most recent experiment.

"Fu Fu Fu" the snake laughed to himself. "how curious, subject #6 appears to be synchronizing with his curse mark at a higher level than even jugo. He'd be a perfect weapon if he wasn't so annoying."

"OI SENOR PEDO! IF YOU RELEASE I WONT CALL LA POLICIA! HAHAHAHA IM JUST KIDDING I CALL THEM ANYWAY CAPULLO!" a voice called from the experiment cages.

…" subject is a madman who claims to be from another universe, and constantly changes to a different language that dose not appear in my ciphers. He possesses a bloodline that allows for a transformation he refers to as 'devil breaker', and the curse mark has amplified this power exponentially. Though he appears to have completely destroyed my control. NUMBER 3!"

At his call a young woman appeared at his side. She was dressed in the Konoha standard uniform and had deep purple hair. Other than the location there was nothing strange about her…

Save for the sickly purple mark controlling her every thought and action pulsing on her neck in the dim light of the lab.

"Anko my dear would you kindly silence that dog before he riles up all of my experiments?" without a word the enslaved shinobi vanished into the next room. What followed were multiple horrifying crunching and slurping sounds followed by the sound of someone openly weeping between curses.

Satisfied by the silence, the snake sanin turned back to his research, switching to a new file.

Perfected Curse Mark Experiment #7-

Tsukimi Uzumaki

**ANNNNNNNNNNND that's a wrap folks. Sorry for the delay on this but I have literally re-written this 7 times. I was having trouble deciding where I wanted this chapter to go and my co-writer is currently not available to give me ideas as he is otherwise occupied in basic training. THAT'S RIGHT! My boys out there protecting and shit and im… writing fanfiction. **

**Real talk though these next few chapters are for you and I cant wait for the ensuing judgment for all the cheese jokes I will proceed to use!**

**Ill see you all in the next chapter and believe me….**

**Shits going down.**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Say Aurora wheres that next chapter you promised? Well im glad you asked the answer is I was so picky about the details that I not only edited the entire fic I also rewrote this one chapter 20 FU*KING TIMES!**_

_**I am the god of procrastinating and all shall bow before my introverted might!**_

_**Anyway no need for a big intro time to get right into the thick and juicy of it**_

_**I do not own Naruto or any of its affiliated licenses the guy that dose is rich and I had my card declined trying to by a single cup ramen once.**_

Today was the day. Naru and I had been out of the confines of our shared hell-hole room in the orphanage for a little over two weeks and the government of Konoha had given the green light to send us to school and you know what?

They were all STONED if they thought either of us were ready for interaction with kids our age. Well, Naruto's age anyway. I'm a whole other issue entirely. Well my age and also the-

"_NO TALKING ABOUT THE SHED!"_

Oh ya and the fact that I'm insane. That's also probably bad.

"C'MON SIS WE GOTTA GET READY FER SCHOOLIN!"

Oh poor child. He's so excited about school. Well I'll let him have his fun. Gods know he deserves some friends other than a mentally ill lady-child who MIGHT have some major issues but the government cleared us both to be child soldiers and when has that ever gone wrong am I right?

… ok maybe sanity doesn't matter to these people but I got to cope somehow ok? Regardless of my massive concerns for the mental well-being of every living thing on this planet I needed to get ready to re-live my least favorite part of living.

School.

Honestly the only reason I'm bothering to go is because I have this overwhelming maternal urge to murder anyone who even slightly annoys my little brother. Oh and the government is forcing me to go but who ever let the government stop them? Speaking of, chakra seal! The toad sage had met with me the day after I met Itachi and after going over the abilities of my bloodline (this time explaining EVERYTHING) placed a seal on my abdomen. It was basically a seal that absorbed the very concept of 'negative feelings" from all the chakra in a certain range. At the moment I was not allowed to access this seal's powered since I still did not know how, but the toad sage promised to teach me the basic theories of sage hood. I wanted to learn how to be a sage outright but apparently that's 'dangerous'. Maybe I should just try it on my own?

I'm going to regret thinking that within the next few hours. I feel it. It's in my jimmies. They are rustled. And in my years in this world I have learned that my jimmies do NOT rustle silently.

"_now I kind of want ice cream"_

"_**you know I kind of want some too, I'm thinking cookie dough?"**_

"Do you morons share a brain?"

"_yes"_

"_**yes"**_

_Damnit_

A simple bang on the door drew me from my internal desire for frozen dairy goods in favor of running to the door so I could join my brother in what no doubt would be a class full of students who were told by their parents that we were evil goblins or something. I took a look at myself in the mirror before answering. I was still pretty skinny, I'm not sure I'll ever put on weight with thin new metabolism. My choice of clothing was a baggy pair of jeans (which I am so thankful exist in this world) and a long-sleeved black turtle-neck shirt. My hair hung down to my waist, I had tried to cut it off (totally not as some knee-jerk reaction to… you know) but immediately after taking a kitchen knife to my fiery red top I learned that discord, for SOME reason, can make my hair however long he wants.

Assessing that I was indeed presentable for public attendance I joined my over hyper brother at the door and opened to find-

Ah mister snake man. You scare me shitless yet again. After a simple greeting we were all on our way to the school house. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, my brother was happy, and honestly even though I was in no way ok, I think I might actually be starting to put the events of the shed behind me and let myself be happy agai-

Orochimaru stopped us as we reached the threshold of the school property. "fufufu, I see your both exited for your first da yes?" my brother confirmed his diagnosis with his jumping up and down like a loon, my blank bored expression may have been a bit counterintuitive though. "now Naruto-chan, Tsuki-chan, why don't you head over to where the other students are and wait for your teacher to call your names."

And that's exactly what the two of us did. Taking in the crowed I did not immediately notice any of the 'main characters', but I DID recognize the Hokage standing on a podium. Walking up to the crowed I immediately made note of any kids who took specific notice of our presence, more specifically any kids who took note of us in a negative light. I blocked out the old monkey as he began to prattle on about the future and being heros and all sorts of manipulative crap to turn us into child soldiers in favor of letting my head swivel around to observe more people when I noticed…

ITACHI! Yep after focusing my gaze I found it was indeed Itachi who had caught my eyes, and at her side was the most adorable chibi Sasuke I had ever seen, and the creepy thing? The kid was SMILING! And not only that, but after glancing down at my brother, his own smile was just as bright!

If we start in the same class, I am MAKING Naru and Sasuke friends, and I will NOT allow either of them to lose those smiles. It was at that moment that I realized that I finally had it, my goal for this new world.

I don't care what happens to this village, or its people, or even me. My goal here will be to protect Naruto's smile.

It was a few moments after my mind processed this that I began to notice names being called by what looked like the chunin instructors. Most of the names were unknown to me, however a few of the names from my own instructor, who was some random chunin named Daisuke, did catch my eye.

Choji Akimichi

Shikimaru Nara

Ino Yamanaka

Sasuke Uchiha

Kiba Inuzuka

And finally the one that drew the Hight of my attention.

Ichigo Haruno

Ohhhh boy. That's gonna be weird.

Other than the apparently gender bent sakura, the only other thing that seriously drew my attention was the LACK of two names. Shiba and Hinata would be in a different class at first it seemed.

Everything was a bit chaotic as we were all ushered into our respective classrooms, but after squeezing 30 some kids into a room near the entrance to the school I was able to find Naruto and myself a seat. Not in front to avoid drawing attention, but not in back so we still had a good view.

That and I also made sure that my brother was right next to sasuke. They WILL be friends or so help me… I will get Itachi to help me!

"_BECAUSE FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!"_

"GOD DAMNITT DISCORD YOU PROMISED!"

Moving past that, the teacher's introduction was pretty much what youd experience on earth, only…

He seemed board.

And more importantly-

He kept glairing at me and Naru.

Ohohho fuck no.

After about an hour of explaining the curriculum for the year, which was again basic other than the basics of chakra and weapon throwing, we all went out to the yard for what the teacher referred to as our 'primary assessment'. After filing out to said yard, I found that the first part of this would be an obstacle course, and that the entire 'assessment' was actually exactly the same as the physical tests from the genin exam, just dumbed down so we could actually do something since we were all so tiny.

The teacher called for our attention over the sea of chattering children, and of course the first person he called up was me. Asshat making me do exercise. In our lessons with Kakashi me and Naru had learned mostly chakra exercises and basic knowledge of the world, he had specifically not gone into a lot of physical exercise due to the muscle atrophy the two of us suffered from 5 years in a small room. What did this mean?

My skinny frame couldn't pull off a pushup.

Daisuke was definitely going to be the first victim of Naruto's pranking skills. I would make sure of it.

After a convoluted explination of the course that no child could possibly understand the teacher sent me out into the course which consisted to a jumping puzzle, monkey bars, a rope swing over a mud pit, and a wall climb. The fastest time in the academy was set by the fourth Hokage who finished in one and a half seconds, followed by an Uchiha clansmen at 2 seconds. I finished in almost three seconds!

By finished I mean I tripped and fell chin first into a wooden post before I even reached the course itself.

Rather than let me continue Daisuke marked me as a fail and sent me to the back of the line. I would be furious about that, if said action hadn't put me right next to a one Ichigo Haruno…

Who was in a pink sailor uniform.

He was so cute I felt like I was going to die.

Going against my introverted nature I decided to introduce myself. I figured why not? Since this is a guy I'm sure the fangirl nonsense wont occur so this 'Sakura' should be actually bearable to talk too right? But after giving him my name, I found a much crueler fate awaited me.

"Sorry, but I've been told not to associate with you or your mongrel brother" he spat the words with such venom that I was hard pressed to believe a child had spoken them. It dawned on me, in that moment, that even if this world was different, even if Naruto and I tried to be kind to everyone, and behaved ourselves…

The village would still hate us all the same.

All I could do was gape like a lined fish, staring at the back of a pink haired boy in a blue sailor uniform…

"_why… exactly are you upset about this?"_

"**Ya boss. This is just sad."**

Ok I really shouldn't be angry about the words of this 5-year-old. Associate? A 5-year-old did not use words like that. Those were the words of 'ichigos' parents.

Adults were the real assholes here.

About half an hour later everyone had gotten their chance at the course. It was when Naruto took his turn that I learned something important about our teacher. He was a Nara.

_AND THAT CUNT SHADOW TRIPPED ME!_

Or he tripped Naru at least, I merely assumed he had done the same to me. But it was not all bad, because someone else noticed the discrepancy in the shadow's behavior. A little boy with a pineapple haircut. Something told me this teacher would not last long.

New goal for the day, make Shikamaru like me so he tattles to his dad about his asshat family member.

A few other noticeable events were some of the kids doing the course. Shikamaru walked around the course to the ire of the teacher and the amusement of the other students. Sasuke, in prodigy fashion, completed the entire thing. Ichigo, to my surprise also finished the course, him and Sasuke being the only ones to manage the whole thing. Other than them, Choji and Kiba did fairly well on it, Kiba making it a bit farther than the rotund boy, and Ino was the only girl that actually made any progress, though she still did not get more than half way though.

After that SHEIT show we all clambered back inside for lunch. walking into the schools rather large lunch hall I waited a few minutes for most people to be sitting down before scanning for my target, and after a few moments I found him. The young Nara heir was seated by himself, face down on a lunch table in the back of the room. Grabbing my brother (who had been rather annoyed that I had yet to find a seat) I dragged him over to sit with the Nara heir, and to my IMMENCE joy and amusement little Sasuke waddled right on after us. Evidently while I hade been focused on the obstacle course little Naru had been forging the beginning of-

"_FRIENDSHIP IS MA-"_

"FUCKING CHRIST DISCORD I SAID NO MY LITTLE PONY!"

it took me a moment to realize from the look on the faces of the three boys I sat with that I had indeed screamed that out loud.

"that was a bad word." I almost died from cuteness overload when little Sasuke spoke those words, his chibi face a mixture of concern and confusion. "Wha? Wass bad about pony's?"

After my brother spoke those words he and Sasuke entered a philosophical discussion about horses and why they were, in fact, not bad things. Meanwhile, I seemed to have gained the attention of the little Nara, who had focused his gaze on me.

"you speak very maturely for someone your age"

Fuck. Why did I think getting anywhere NEAR a Nara, much less the future SMARTEST Nara was a good idea in any way? "Well is there something wrong with being smart?" ya there was no way he was buying that answer. If anything, my attempt to shake off his vailed accusation had only made him MORE curious about me.

"**You really did not think this through, did you?"**

"_The spicy man Is right; churros should ALWAYS come with cinnamon!"_

I'm really not going to last long in this world, am I?

The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful. We learned a little bit about the village and glossed over the basics of what we would learn throughout this year, and Shikamaru had moved from sleeping in class to pretending to sleep while watching me. After class was over, Sasuke bid my brother farewell and moved to go home with his sister, and Orochimaru appeared at the gate to escort us home.

"Tsukimi, Naruto, did you enjoy your first day? Was it fun? Good good. Now Naruto I want you too head home with this nice Anbu while your sister and I have a chat ok?" the snake gestured toward an Anbu wearing a boar mask.

Ok that… does NOT bode well for me. At all.

"… _are we going back to the shed"_

"Oh great all my progress in my mental health just jumped off a cliff."

"_**To be fair you were not making much progress to begin with."**_

Thank you null and discord for continuing to show me how useful you are by driving me QUICKLY into madness instead of using your OP mental powers to help me.

My brother, the little traitor, smiled and ran right through the crowed of little tikes without the slightest show of concern for my safety. Oh well I'm sure that nothing bad will happen by talking to the snake for two minutes- why am I unconscious?

Even though I never felt any disturbance it appears that the snake had somehow figured out how to bypass my overpowered healing and knock me the fuck out because I found myself in my own mental landscape and…

Discord had remodeled.

_Why in gods good name dose my mindscape look like a desert and why the honest FORK are their no stars in the sky and WHY IS IT SO DARK_

I assumed my voice would fall on def ears but to both my amazement and displeasure I was greeted by the sight of the two other people who lived here. Discord, for reasons I still don't understand, looked exactly like his children's show counterpart. Animated and everything. Null on the other hand looked like the old me.

If the old me had transparent skin was perpetually soaking wet and had milky white eyes.

Null was me AFTER drowning. Funnily enough it was actually easier to look at her than discord.

"_**So the snake turned out to be a bastard after all huh"**_

"_yes regardless of our incredible Mad Sage chakra I fear there to be a 86% chance of Orochimaru successfully placing a functioning curse mark upon us and that's if the mark is his intention for us!"_

I paced around for a bit trying to think about what to do next. Interestingly, the black sand like substance seemed to become solid ground under my feet whenever I took a step. I wonder if I can summon this stuff to the real world? I could go Garra with the added bonus of OP healing, now THAT would be a cool fighting style.

Na. that's too cheap.

Stupid honor.

"So. The snake knocked us out, and since a normal physical blow can't do that to me with my healing we should assume he used a seal, meaning he can definitely use a seal that ignores the black sage chakra."

Then again, the mad scientist WAS probably the one who helped Jirya develop my chakra storage seal, so I should have already known that.

"_yep, mr. pedo can touch the bubble of protection! That means he has to DIE! REEEEEEE!"_

"_**But of course until we wake up we cant do much from in our head, so while we are all here…"**_

"_TRAINING BEGINS NOW!"_

And that's the story of how I got decked by a big meaty tail.

**Three hours later- Konoha research laboratory #0115**

Log# 2250

Subject #6 -a waste of time. The man calling himself 'Sanguis' possesses a unique transformation but said ability unfortunately cannot be replicated through any means. While the sage chakra enhancements to his power are significantly better than most other subjects what I originally mistook for resilience appears to be simple madness. Subject will be kept in stasis for further study.

Subject #7- one of the greatest scientific challenges I've ever encountered. Using a stasis seal on her was difficult enough, but her unique chakra wears through any seals or drugs almost immediately. In the few hours she has been held here I have replaced the seal keeping her unconscious over 12 times.

Personal note- Anticipation of the coming experiments on subject #7 has me more exited than anything in recent memory!

**One Day later- Konoha research lab #0115**

Log# 2301

Subject #13- an unfortunate side effect of injecting an untested immune system booster appears to be death.

Subject #18- artificial Rinnegan experiment appears to be coming along nicely. Just one year after implanting the sharingan eye and sage chakra into Karin Uzumaki the pattern of the eye has begun to shift. Coalition between sage of six paths and Uzumaki clan potentially confirmed.

Subject #7- attempt to merge the separate personalities into one ended in disaster. Subjects body structure has been completely altered. Subject is contained to sub section B of the facility, no known method of reversing this error has currently been uncovered.

Personal note- Tsukimi's rampage released Subject #6 from stasis. Kill him later.

**3 Day's Later- Konoha research lab #008**

Subject #12- sample extracted from the bounty hunter Kakuzu has begun bonding to subject. Effects undetermined.

Subject #7- subject has yet to return to human form, mental faculties appear to still be completely inhibited. The man calling himself 'Pein' has offered use of his dojutsu to return her from her mindscape as compensation for an alliance.

Personal note- Akatsuki, greater potential for research than Konoha?

**1 Week Later- Konoha research lab #004**

Subject #7- with the assistance of the Rinnegan Tsukimi's mental state has begun to improve. Restoring her human body has thus far been a failure, and the curse mark simply will not hold, her own sage abilities seem to counter any seal other than the storage seal designed specifically for it. Further resurch required.

Subject #18- it would seem an artificial Rinnegan is far too volatile. Subject has been placed in stasis for futher study.

Personal note- all attempts to understand #6 have been abandoned. I currently have him strapped down in experiment chamber 12 with various sized knives piercing multiple parts of his body. Its not an experiment I just felt like it.

**One Month Later- just outside the village proper. **

personal log- all personal laboratories have been raided. The new hokage seeks to 'clean' the village', self-detonation protocols have been activated through all max security facilities. Subjects #7 #6 and #9 are locked in the basement of this base. Unfortunately, all three must be abandoned.

Final log end.

_**Tsukimi POV**_

I have no clue how long I was in my mindscape. The time there had not been wasted, me and the two freeloaders had spent hours on end discussing how to precede. After escaping that is. time had not flown properly, and although the three of us could not see what was happening, we all knew something was not right.

I was able to confirm that unfortunate diagnosis the moment I regained consciousness.

The very first thing I noticed was that I was in a prison cell. The second thing that caught my eye was the cell across from mine. It contained a young boy, not much older than me. His clothing was nothing more than some rice sack's stitched together (you'd think the crazy science pedo would care about hygiene but NOO) and his completion was disturbingly pale. A messy mop of blood red hair adorned his head, along with two horn like growths with a devil tail wagging behind him to boot! He honestly kind of resembled a Tiefling from DND, only must more human looking. Well, human except for his reptilian golden eyes…

Which were staring into my SOUL.

"Oi fluffy demon! You come here and get in my belly!" he shouted from behind the bars before bursting into hysterical laughter. 'demon?' Why is he calling me de-

Then I saw my reflection in a puddle that had formed near me from a drip in the ceiling, and after further analysis I realized I was sadly not hallucinating. My face still looks human, if anything my eyes were slightly more animalistic, and from what I could tell other than the fact I was slightly healther looking my torso and.. lower area were still the same. But that was where normal ended. My hairs color had changed from red to a stark white, and my arms and legs had become that of an animal. My arms up to my elbows were covered in black fur, same with my legs up to my knees, and although my hands were thankfully still human shaped, my nails were extremely sharp claws and the palms of my hands had what could only be described as…

"_BEANS!"_

"**Shes right. Them's some beans."**

On top of THAT I also had a tail now, confirming g to me that the animalistic traits I had taken on were in fact that of a fox. Weather this transformation had something to do with expositor to the Nine tails or some sick experiment from Orochimaru I did not know, all I knew right at that moment was that I needed to get the HELL out of here. Thinking quickly, I decided not to use chakra until I could find out if I had a curse mark on me, so instead I chose to reach out to my only other resource.

The crazy short Dante looking guy.

I'm not even kidding. Pale skin, a blood red mop of hair parted to the right that covered one of his golden eyes with flecks of gold in them. Stuffing down any doubts I had on this guys sanity, or my own for that matter, I called out to him. "HEY, YOU THINK YOU CAN GET THIS SHITTY CELL OPEN? The man looked at me with curiosity, considering my request, and after a minute his face seemed to light up with realization-

"FUCK! How'm I supposed to eat you if you smart an stuff!"

I swiftly discovered the anime trope of falling face first into the floor. It was painful.

After shaking off my… surprise. I stood back up to address the man properly. "Listen pal I don't know you and you don't know me but we are both stuck in this dank crap sack and I'm pretty sure YOU like this place about as much as I do. So lets get the heck out of here ok?" the man considered me again, however this time he seemed to be actually listening to my words. "well." He began. "I can probably get these cell doors off, and there was some kind of evacuation a few minutes ago so we should be clear, but where the heck are we going to go? I aint got no Familia in this messed up world."

Ok. Good news. Evacuation meant no resistance on the way out, and this guy seems pretty nice so I should be relatively safe with him, and-

Wait.

"What do you mean by 'this world'?"

Introducing himself as Sanguis, he began laughing for a moment before launching into a long and crazy story. A story about how 'my' world was fiction. A story of how he died in his world. a story of some weird monster sending him here with a cool power so he could live a life of fulfillment. I stopped him right after he began explaining his circumstances here in this world though, because his story was obviously all too familiar to me.

"BITCH YOUR FROM EARTH!? ME TOO FAM!"

Immediately after the words left my lips we both paused for a moment.

Before breaking out into hysterical laughter.

We both sat there, sitting in two cells across from each other, gasping for air at the sheer coincidence of the completely wacked situation we both found ourselves in. "So." He spoke between breaths. "where did you end up when you landed?" I gave my best shit eating grin as I prepared my response, enjoying his look of twisted fury as he processed the information. "I am Narutos twin sister. THAT'S RIGHT! THAT Naruto!"

Intense Spanish swearing ensued afterword's. it took at least ten minutes for him to calm down. "NARUTO! Seriously! I ended up in a frisking swamp. The idiots who raised me couldn't even use chakra! I had to learn myself! Do you know what it feels like to accidently blow yourself up? Cause I do!" I chuckled a little more at this. "hey don't think you drew long stick buddy, me and my brother have been locked in a CLOSET for about five years. Fricking orphanage."

After this we both went into a tangent about out mutually crappy experiences here in this world while he began working on the cell door. He was surprisingly strong for his lanky build, though I guess with chakra body build did not really matter in the end. After jimmying the door off his cell, while at the time explaining how he learned fire style chakra manipulation from a drunk lizard, (a story for later he said) he simply ripped the door right off mine. I guess the cells dampened chakra use, but the rest of the prison did not. Really inefficient if you ask me but whatever. Once we were both free we settled on a plan, make our way out of the prison and find out how to get the heck back to Konoha. After that I would speak on his behalf and HOPFULLY the hokage felt guilty enough towards me to here me out and let the man, who I learned was named Sanguis, join the village.

Also reporting the hell out of Orochimaru, though we both suspected that the evacuation of this base indicated he may have already been discovered. At least he BETTER have been. Seriously did he think nobody would notice I had been kidnapped?

Of course, before we began moving came a matter slightly more important, and indefinitely more embarrassing. Needless to say, for whatever reason neither of us had a curse mark on our body's, and I had seen more of this random guy than I had ever cared to see. and he had seen more of me than my modesty was comfortable showing to anyone. That particular job done, we began to move through the base, and by that I mean I got a piggy back ride because APERENTLY dog legs were not meant for a human body. Even if they were kind Of adorable These things were a pain in the butt. Luckily it was not some elaborate maze, but rather a simple structure with a rather basic floor plan. We both thought it would be all too easy to escape…

That's when we met subject #21

The only reason we even knew to call the freak that was the number emblazoned across his chest. The abomination looked like un unholy cross between a rat and a werewolf, its skin covered in patchy unwashed fur and blisters. AND IT WAS HUGE! And the worst part?

Son of a bitch was blocking the door out.

My poncho clad comrade made to commune with the creature, but sadly whoever, or whatever, this thing was there was nothing left but a mindless beast. The moment our presence was known the beast let out a piercing roar before charging at us at UNGODLY SPEEDS! I could barely register what was happening as Sanguis dropped me to the ground so he could intercept, moving at similar speeds, the short man caught a wild haymaker and-

Was promptly yeeted into a wall by the force of the blow.

And then it turned its gaze on me.

"_Welp its been lovely but death it is."_

"**Death indeed. We gonna die."**

Ok this is no time for half measures. Its now or never, lets go weird sage powers! Focusing on the energy I could feel constantly in the air around me, I drew upon kakashi's chakra manipulation lessions and began trying to pull it inwards, only to find it was a little TOO easy to accomplish the task. In seconds I felt like I had stuck a fork into an outlet, my whole-body PULSATING with rampant energy. Normal chakra felt warm, like a part of me. I could feel it constantly flowing through me without trouble, and it comforted me to know it was there. But this? The Mad Sage chakra?

It was cold.

The air here was full of negative energy, I'm sure all the horribly mistreated prisoners who had been experimented on here were the source of it. The energy itself was cold, it sat like a rock in my gut forcing me to experience every negative emotion at once. Fear, anger, hate, it was like the fricking dark side of the force. My mind had hardly processed all of this as the creature began to saunter toward me with a cruel smirk twisting up its deformed muzzle. Acting quickly, I moved to stand up-

Only to find myself on the other side of the room.

"**I'm sorry WHAT"**

"_IMPOSSIBLE! The kinetic energy produced by the force it SHOULD have taken our body to move across a room this size should had ripped our leg clean off! Conclusion: POWER LEVELS ARE BULLSHIT!"_

All I had done was push myself off the ground, all I did was push off with my right leg, but the sheer POWER behind the action was enough to throw me at LEAST 20 feet in less than a second. Of course, the downside to this was I was now only about a foot away from the wild beast. Unfortunately for my own well being the rat man began charging back its arm for what looked like a nasty haymaker and threw its fist at speeds I simply was not ready to fight against. Doing the only thing I knew how I threw up my own hands in order to lessen the damage of the blow-

Only to feel barely any impact at all.

"**Again, and I cannot stress this. HACKS!"**

"_With this power the shadow demons that watch us sleep will run in fear. No more shall we kneel to their oppression! VIVA LA RESISTANCE!"_

I could see the look of fear etching itself onto the creatures face just as well as I could FEEL the fear begin to radiate off of him_. _This feeling, it was… it was…

_**DELISIOUS!**_

"_Hey! Who's this asshole!"_

"**SHIT! Tsukimi we got a problem theres someone else in he-**

I never herd the ending of Nulls warning as I was dragged into darkness. The last thing I remember was pulling my own fist back to retaliate against the rat creature than…

Darkness.

_**Wew. This chapter was HARD for me to wright. I spent DAYS debating weather I should do Orochimaru bit first or have the another very important event occur beforehand. Needless to say said important event will be occurring soon, so tune in next time on dragonball z-**_

_**Fuck wrong fic**_

_**Toodles.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok soooo. Long chapter. Patting myself on the back here. **

**Also, poll.**

**Love interests- **

**naru/hina naru/ino naru/younger anko naru/Femhaku or harem**

**Tsuki/ichigo tsuki/sasu tsuki/younger anko tsuki/kiba tsuki/shikamaru**

**And finally if you have other recommendations for romances id be happy to get some input!**

**Also yes. Fem Haku. That's a few chapters away but im a tease so :p**

**Now without further ado get ready for a hacking important chapter!**

**I own nothing. Not even my own soul.**

I awoke extremely groggy, the world around me slowly coming into focus to reveal itself to be my mindscape, the black sand perfectly still under my feet- or well, paws now, as I stood under the starless sky. Before me stood my other personality's. Discord in his animated glory, null in her drowned corpse creepiness….

And Satan himself apparently.

Between the two personality's I had come to know was a hulking beast, its basic shape reminded me of the 'Gleam Eyes' boss from the first season of SAO except its legs and tail were fox based and its fur was pure black. Not to mention…

It had my chakra chains.

Rather than come straight out of the monsters back they came down from the head almost like some sort of dreadlocks, thrashing every witch way as the beasts glowing red eyes glared at me from its position across the sand.

"_**Hey boss…" **_Null muttered, obviously not comfortable with the newcomer._** "SOOO… we got a new one!" **_

a sarcastic chuckle from discord followed Null's statement of the obvious. _"Yes indeed. Because on top of having a personality for pain and madness now we have BLOODLUST grunting at us like a buffoon."_

I stared dumbly at the three, Null looking sheepish, Discord looking annoyed and the other one…

Now that I looked at it harder it was kinda just a big puppy.

"soooo…" I began, scratching the back of my head. "you probably want a name right? That's totally something we should do now right?" the big werewolf like creature tilted its head slightly to the left, doing the classic doggy begging face. **"RRAUGH?"**

Discords hand quickly met his own face as he let out an annoyed sigh. _"Tsuki this personality is completely retarded. An over muscled brute! A mindless beast! Hes A, A!-"_

"_**Berserker" **_Nulls voice rose over the normally asinine Discord, carrying over the endless desert in the silence that followed. "Berserker huh… that's a good name…" I contemplated for a moment as I gazed at my new personality. "Discord you said this one is my bloodlust or something right?" the Drconiquis nodded to me in conformation. "Well, how do you feel about that big guy? Mind if we call you Berserker?

The only response we received was another animalistic groan, but the creature looked happy so I guess that was a good sign?

"so." I began once again. "what exactly happened just now?"

This time it was Null who took control of the conversation. _**"Well, because of the birth of a new personality, your mind was kind of pulled into the mindscape, and since 'Berserker' was being created at the time he momentarily took control of the main body…"**_

My jaw dropped for a moment as I processed what I heard. "The main- YOU TOLD ME YOU COULDENT TAKE CONTROL OF ME!" Null waved her hands in a placating gesture, trying to calm my obvious anger. _**"And we cant! It was a loophole created by the birth of a new personality, and now that we are all stable its not possible for it to re-occur!"**_

Discord stepped forward, motioning me to come closer. _"what my associate is trying to say is… your going to be okay" _and without even stepping forward I found myself in the weirdest hug id ever been embraced in, and my wacky other self was soon joined by the other two, creating a group hug consisting of the strangest group you would ever see.

After what felt like a few minutes the world around me began to shift as I was no doubt dragged back to the waking world. black sand turned to dark grass and the lightless sky turned to a canopy of trees. I was clearly in some sort of some small camp considering how the tiny clearing was arranged, but for the life of me I could not figure out how I ended up outside-

"Ah I see you are awake Niña. I was worried you were dead for a while." Sanguis, the man from Orochimarus base looked down at me, a soft look on his sharp features. "not sure if you remember anything, but you kind of turned into a big ass Chupacabra and ripped the rat thing in half sooo…"

I waited for him to tell me he was joking, but seeing as all that followed was awkward silence- "well crap baskets. I swear that doesn't happen often… I think." The demon looking man chuckled a bit at that, reaching down to help me to my feet. "well" he said. "your back now Niña, at least your back to mostly human anyway. Still got the foxy bits but that's cool." The man shifted a bit, scooping me into his arms and throwing me over his back piggy-back ride style. "anyway after you passed out I got us out of the pedo's lab and managed to find a non ninja who had not managed to evacuate, if what I got out of him was true Konoha is right through these woods!"

I intended to ask how and why some 'non ninja' had given us info… but then I noticed something on the tip of my nose, a smell…

Blood.

I was not about to judge Sanguis for doing dirty work, after all it's the world of ninjas. But it was still uncomfortable knowing that the man carrying me thought the woods had probably just tortured and killed someone…

Then again I apparently just ripped a rat-man in half so I don't think I was one to talk.

After about an hour of running we had finally reached the edge of the woods when I could just barely make it out on the horizon. Though I had not seen the village gates from the outside in this world I instantly recognized it from the show, a great wall of stone amongst a smattering of trees. "THAT'S IT!" I called out. "we made it!"

I felt Sanguis's chuckle more than I herd it, his shoulder shaking a bit under me as he slowed a bit. "Now lets just hope your village dose not kill me on site eh?" I laughed at his sarcastic humor while we got ever closer to the tree line, the village itself was still about a half an hour off, but we were so close! So close to home! Huh. I wonder when I started thinking of Konoha as home? Oh well, id be able to see Naruto again and that's what was important. I was not sure how long I had actually been gone for, but I knew the poor kid was well past freaking out. In our years in the little room in the orphanage he had always clung so closely to me, I had to admit he might not be the one who needed me… but the other way around. Honestly im not sure if I count a sane anymore, I'm not sure I ever really did.

It was on this train of thought that my mind wondered too, almost making me miss the fact that Sanguis was no longer moving. "Oi señorita!" he called from under me. "we got a big fuckin problem!"

Before us stood a shinobi wearing a modified black version of the Konoha uniform with extra pouches. With my 'black sage' ability I could see he was radiating chakra, though I noted he was not letting off a lot of negative emotion, and I also noticed his right arm and leg were letting off a completely different chakra signature than his own. He was definitely an Uchiha from the pure black color of his hair and the sharigan eye spinning in his right socket. Not only that but I knew this one in particular. I looked the man up and down in horror, the ripple pattern scar on his face, and although his left eye was covered by a patch, I could not possibly mistake him for anyone else.

Obito. Fucking. Uchiha.

"_the god of chocolate has deemed us unworthy and sentenced us to death"_

"_**its been lovely but discords right we are fffffffuged. Nice knowing you Tsuki."**_

"**RAAAUGH. Uff UFFF Rarrrrr GUgggggg."**

Thanks guys. Really helpful.

"Not another step." The Uchiha called out to us, his voice a bit raspy but strong none the less. "You have entered Konoha territory during a class SS emergency, state your names and business now or I will have to use deadly force!" to emphasize his point his eye seemed to glow a bit brighter, its red shine twinkling in the evening light. Sanguis appeared to be as confused as I was considering he had frozen under me.

"_Tsuki!" _discord began. _"it is my new hypothesis that this worlds Obito Uchiha has in fact not defected, and is a Ninja of our village! I recommend we trust him!"_

"_**Ya its either hes a good guy or we all die. Win win right?"**_

"**Aurgh"**

That's it im completely insane.

"Mr Shinobi!" I called out, my new friend nearly dropping me at the sudden sound. "I am Tsukimi Uzumaki and this is my friend Sanguis! We nee-"

My explanation was cut off as I found myself caught up in my SECOND weirdest hug of the day.

"OHHH TSUKI-CHAN WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU IM SO HAPPY YOUR OK!" all threat from the apparent non-villain left as both me and Sanguis we twirled around in the air buy the older man while he chanted in joy. After taking a moment to do… whatever this nonsense was. Obito set us both down on the ground and looked us over. "hello there!" he said, giving an awkward laugh. "Im sorry Tsuki we haven't met yet. Im Kakashi-baka's old teammate, names Obito! Obito Uchiha!" his kind eye narrowed a bit as he looked Sanguis up and down. "You, I remember you. a mission report over two years ago about a bloodline user offering to join our village disappearing while in transit, im assuming you were in one of the labs since you met our young friend here?"

To his credit Sanguis seemed a bit more at ease than I was, picking up his dropped jaw and responding in a slightly awed tone. "s-si. The snake Perv killed my escort and took me for his creepy experiments, im not sure how long I was down there but honestly, I had completely forgotten about the offer to join the village. Don't suppose that offer is valid anymore hu?"

The Uchihas eyes softened a bit as the two of us gave him our best puppy dog eyes. "*huf* we are in a state of emergency but since you don't appear to have a curse mark I can at least promise that I can give you the opportunity, but you will have to go through t&i." his head suddenly shot up, the one eye in his head dashing from side to side scanning the trees before us. "Listen to me both of you, the village is to dangerous to enter right now, ill explain a bit more on the way but im taking us to a safe house until the all clear goes out." His hand descended to ruffle my hair when he saw me tense up at this. "and don't worry Tsuki, Naruto was with my cousin when the fighting broke out so he's in our personal bunker. There's no safer place in the village.

Aww. Naru made friends while I was gone. But he must have been so worried about me…

Ok maybe I was the one worrying about his give me a brake the only other person I had regular contact with in this world just kidnapped me.

Without warning the older man grabbed both me and my eccentric new friend and before we knew it we were _FLYING_ through the trees. For obvious reasons not a sound was made, fear of the 'enemy's' keeping us both quite until we came upon our destination, a small cave that I never would have noticed without it being pointed out that opened into a cavern just big enough for a small group to make camp. After setting us down Obito moved to a wall and activated a hidden seal, making the cave entrance disappear and releasing a pack full of provisions and supplies.

"now." He began as he handed us both some dried beef and water. "do either of you know what's happening in the village right now?" we both shook our heads, the only real information we had was Orochimaru was caught as a traitor. "alright, the long and short of it is one of our council elders betrayed the village and attempted to lead a coup. Tsuki, did you ever hear of the man named Shimura Danzo while you were studying with Kakashi?" I gasped suddenly as I processed the name. taking this a conformation the Uchiha continued. "One of my cousins was charged to spy on the council by lord hokage when he discovered Danzo was using a very powerful stolen sharingan to brainwash key counsel members as well as some shinobi. By the records he uncovered Shimura has been doing this going almost ten years now, raging from genin… to Orochimaru himself."

My jaw practically gave me whiplash as it dropped to the floor in shock. "wait hold on you don't seriously mean that Orochimaru is-"

"innocent?" Sanguis interrupted me but non the less completed my question.

"look…" the raven-haired man looked almost sad in a way as he tried to find the words to explain. "the eyes of my clan, they are very powerful, and the ones Danzo got his hands on were a very special version, that had the ability to transfer one's desire over to another person. And in the hands of a man whos desires don't account for the lives of other people… it doesn't end well." He looked away from us as the frown on my face became a look of realization. Danzo had found an Uchiha with a mangekyo sharigan with the special ability to basically make everyone's mind as twisted as his own, after that throw some genjutsu into the mix and you get a bunch of loyal psychopaths doing everything you say! But regardless of all the questions that arose from the CLUSTERFART that was aperently happening in the village right now one question came to the front of my mind. "How can you be sure that Orochimaru is innocent, how can you prove he wasent doing experiments like what he did to us on people BEFORE this… Danzo guy came along?"

I made sure to try and leave the venom out of my voice, but hey the snake bastard gave me dog legs, how the HECK am I supposed to wear heals with these?

"Tsuki, you remember after your… accident, you met with a man named Inoichi?" my eyes widened in realization as I worked why the shinobi before me was sure of the snake mans innocence. "when Orochimaru learned of Danzos discovery he attempted to help his 'master' flee the village, but since we were already on alert to capture him due to your kidnapping his old teammates managed to discover and capture him. At that point a fix for Danzos mind control had been discovered and we were able to have the Yamanaka mind walk the snake." Leaning in close the man grabbed my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes, a sad expression now covering his face. "I know Orochi-Teme hurt you, but you have to understand that he was hurt just as badly by all of this, can you imagine not being in control of yourself while your body tortures and murders the people you care about? The pain that would cause you?" it dawned on me in horror what Obito was saying. Orochimaru, at least the one from this world, he was FORCED to… oh.

"fuck.." I turned my head to face sanguis as he too caught on to the implications of this discovery.

"so." I stammered out. "Orochimaru, is he… ok?"

The sad look on Obitos face grew a bit deeper, joined by a new emotion that I couldn't quite interpret. "at the moment the village will not punish anyone under Danzos control for their action while manipulated, only Danzo and anyone willingly following him. Orochimaru wont be punished for the experiments he was forced to carry out as they were not truly his own actions but… the man himself is broken Tsukimi." The eye patch wearing ninja sighed as he sat back against the wall of the cave. "I did not catch much word on his mental condition, but from what I did hear he's like a completely different person, though in what regard in not certain…"

The thought of a man like Orochimaru being so mentally scared… it was almost too much for me to process. But it was irrelevant, as I had more pressing concerns. "you said the village was under attack." I began. "I'm guessing its from Danzo and whatever 'slaves' you haven't freed yet?"

Another sigh left the battle-hardened warrior as he considered his response. "for the most part yes, though he does have a few true loyalists. The main concern however is the curse mark experiments; did you see any of them in the lab? At least I'm guessing you were both in one of Orochimarus las right?"

It was Sanguis to respond this time, a scoff announcing his words shortly before speaking them. "ya we seen one of them. Little psycho crazy lady here ripped one in half."

Obito deadpanned at him for a moment before his face slowly rose in mild concern when he realized the younger man was serious. "you… your serious? As in beat him really badly or actually in half?" I waved my hands in a placating gesture as his gaze turned to me. "hey don't look at me!" I said. "my weird special chakra took over for a second so I don't really remember anything from the fight, all I know is that I transformed into some kind of monster for a minute!" I paused for breath as I noticed the extremely concerned expression on the Uchihas face while Sanguis tried not to laugh from next to me. "ok I can see how that might be concerning but the voice in my head told me it was fine!"

Aaand now both of them looked concerned.

"_Maybe you should tell them it was more than one voice, just for funzies!"_

"_**Ya we like funzies!"**_

"**Aurggg Funzies!"**

This is fine.

The rest of the evening was spent discussing the state of the village. From what Obito knew, Danzos coup had been extremely premature due to its unexpected discovery so most of his 'targets' were completely unharmed. With the two normally absent sannin in the village most of the attackers were easily disposed of and thanks to the combined efforts of the Yamanaka and Uchiha clans most of the villagers controlled by the councilman's stolen sharingan had been freed. meanwhile the Huga clan was making efforts to identify all of the villagers who had Orochimarus cursed seal and anbu had managed to round most of them up. I had to wonder… one of my chakras biggest effects I had found was that it caused things to dissolve/decay, if I used it directly on a seal maybe I could remove it! I suggested it to Obito, and while he seemed skeptical that my 'bloodline' could accomplish something so complex so easily he promised to get me a chance to try it out.

I thought it was a bit strange that Obito was discussing all of this in front of Sanguis, but I suppose the man was not afraid of a teenager he could easily kill…

I had no time to try and defend myself though as one of the items Obito had produced from the caves seal, what I now knew to be a small radio, began lighting up with noise. No words were spoken but from the relived look on the older mans face it seemed to be some sort of code giving the all clear. "alrighty than kiddos!" he began. "looks like things have settled down enough go home! But Sanguis we are still in lockdown so when we get to the village you will be taken to T&I like I mentioned earlier, you gonna be ok?" he was med with a chuckle and a curt nod in response, the tan boy clearly just happy to be out of the laboratory. "Oh and speaking to going home!" Obito produced a scroll from his 'weapons pouch' (fanny pack) and proceeded to pull out some clothing. "you cant go home in those rags! I'm going to head outside and make sure there are no stragglers out this way, why don't you find something that fits and get changed." Without another word me and Sanguis were left alone in the dank cave with a pile of clothes. It took us a few minutes to find some stuff to wear as most of the clothes appeared to be for an adult (for obvious reasons) but eventually I managed to find some shorts that fit, they came down to my ankles- paws? Whatever point is they were big. Also found a t-shirt that fit well enough after I tucked it into my waist. Sanguis had managed to scrounge up a pair of shinobi pants and a fishnet shirt that fit him. He also had the weird poncho he had been wearing back in the lab.

"hey Sanguis." I spoke up as I pulled on a belt to keep the pants up. "why and how do you have a poncho? Like… did Orochimaru let you keep it or did you steal it or something?" the teen looked a bit sheepish as he rubbed the back of his head. "actually, this is part of my bloodline. I can make them look like this when I'm not using them!" in order to demonstrate what 'they' were he unfolded the 'poncho' to reveal…

Wings.

"I guess I forgot to mention earlier." He continued. "but when I got reincarnated here I took the power of devil trigger from devil may cry, you ever play those games?" I nodded in confirmation because i had indeed played them, and I even remember seeing the devil trigger option when I chose my own perk. "but wait" I started. "you dident have those in the cell, but you did have that tail, why is that?" he nodded to my confusion and met my question with an answer. "well, my wings take chakra to maintain, but the tail is physical, so I guess the cell was keeping my wings from coming out."

The moment the 'devil' finished his explanation Obito returned with a smile. "Alright kiddies!" he shouted in a voice that was all too happy. "Lets go home!"

Sanguis chose to walk himself while Obito through me on his back to carry me, as my legs were still too unsteady to walk any more than a few steps. The village was soon in view again as I realized there was a very important question on my mind that needed answering. I whispered it to the man carrying me as I figured this was something, he wouldn't take kindly to discussing with a 'outsider'. "hey Obito!" I tapped on his shoulder. "I have a bit of an off-topic question." To his credit the man seemed to understand my reasoning for whispering, as he merely nodded in favor of a verbal response. "the night… the night me and my brother were born, someone took control of the ninetails. Do you think it was Danzo?"

Again, to his credit Obito dident even flinch, but from his facial expression his happy mood was definitely gone now. "no" he sighed. "the eyes Danzo managed to steal had the unique ability to bond people to his desires making them think like he does, but they are exceptionally weak in terms of actually controlling people, so although he could manipulate people almost completely, those eyes would have had no effect on a Biju." He paused before continuing, seeming to consider something before answering. "the night of the attack my former Sensei, lord Fourth Hokage, engaged in combat with whoever took control of the Ninetails. I didn't get a great look at him, but from what I saw he was an older man with silver hair. His face was masked so we don't know who he was, but I can promise you this, that bastard was no Uchiha."

I grew silent as I processed this information. Silver haired old man? Was Madara Uchiha doing the dirty work himself in this world? because if so I think I'd prefer a fight with Obito! Speaking of, the man in question was silent for the rest of the trip, his face drawn in a serious frown until we reached the village gate.

"Uchiha Obito reporting in with missing person Tsukimi Uzumaki and a guest." The gate was not watched by the infamous Izumo and Kotetzu like it was in the show, but rather a full squad of shinobi guarded the gate with weapons drawn. I could also sense over a dozen more hiding near or around the wall, prepared to fight any would be attackers.

One of the shinobi, someone I had never seen before, checked Obitos ID before looking us all over. "very good Uchiha-san. Take Uzumaki to hokage tower immediately as per lord thirds instructions, in the meantime am I correct in assuming our guest is friendly?" Obito nodded in confirmation as he was handed back his shinobi ID. "very good." The unnamed shinobi continued. "we will have someone escort him to T&I for debrief." The man looked to Sanguis. "I apologies, normally this prosses takes only a few hours but its going to be a few days considering the situation. Please be patient as we get you sorted."

I herd no more of that conversation as my 'ride' took off toward the aforementioned tower at full force, and I soon found myself under the exhausted gaze of the third hokage, though unlike the last time I saw him in his robes he was decked out in full battle gear, and judging from the tense feeling battering against my enhanced senses I figured he had no intention of merely watching the fighting from afar. Regardless of the tense atmosphere however, a small, sad smile adorned his face as he looked at me in the chair, I found myself sprawled in. Obito had already given his report of what he had found and I had explained what happened in the lab. "well Tsuki I certainly hope we can stop meeting under such dire circumstances. The man gave a tired sigh, his gaze drifting to a window as his mind seemed to wander. "I know you may be angry at my old student, what he did was unforgivable. But knowing that he was not in control of his actions, should you ever wish to see him, I'd be happy to arrange a meeting."

It took me a moment to realize he was talking about Orochimaru. Honestly, I had been sedated through his experiments on me, so I dident hold too much of a grudge for that, but the new legs were DEFFINETLY an annoying setback. "its not my forgiveness you need to worry about old man." I began. "its my brother whos going to be pissed at him." The old man In question let out a half-hearted laugh at that. "well I think your more correct than you realize, We were honestly afraid Naruto was going to lose control of his seal for the first few days after you disappeared… speaking of which, Obito, why don't you take Tsuki to your clan compound. I think it best that she and Naru stay there for tonight with the others. After you drop her off join Kakashi, Asuma, and Guy. they are currently preparing to engaged in battle with the last of the cursed seal soldiers who have taken refuge in the woods behind the Hokage monument."

Obito made to motion for me to follow him, but before we left the room something important seemed to draw his expression into a look of confusion. "Lord Hokage, I cant help but notice your dressed for combat. Surly a few drugged up ninja don't warrant your personal attention?" the old man chuckled as he moved to adjust his helmet, making sure the symbol of the leaf sat straight across his brow. "indeed they do not my friend, however I have just received word that The three sannin have cornered Danzo and his remaining loyalists two miles outside the south gate." The Hokages face turned to an expression not unlike a frown, but it carried far more sorrow than anger as a fire seemed to light in his eyes. "for the sake of this villages future, I shall attend to my old teammate myself"

Without another word between them the worn old man vanished without so much as a sound, his teleportation technique so refined from years of practice that even with my constantly active sage senses, I could feel no trace of his presence. Before I could process the implications of the awesome fight that was about to go down however, I was scooped up once again by my now second favorite Uchiha(Itachi bought me snacks so she is still #1 for now) and we dashed out of the tower toward the Uchiha compound. As we flew through the streets of Konoha at inhuman speeds I barely made out a few words that Obito whispered out, not to me but rather to himself. "don't you dare die Gramps."

Needles to say the rest of the short journey was silent.

**One Mile Behind The Hokage Monument- present time**

The woods lay in shambles from battle, scorch marks littered the entire clearing while unearthed trees and jagged boulders lay across the grass. In the clearing, 5 warriors faced off, Kakashi Hatake with his sharingan eye blazing, surrounded by dogs as his left arm hung limp at his side. Asuma Sarutobi, the symbol of the Fire Dynamo's personal guard hung on the belt of his standard Konoha gear as two trench knives glowing with chakra and covered In blood twirled in his hands. And finally Might Guy, a man clad in a strange green jumpsuit with orange legwarmers who possessed the most hilariously oversized eyebrows and comical bowl cut hair. But nothing about his expression portrayed joy as a tight frown cut across his sweat covered face. Before the band of Konoha elite's stood two monsters who had been totally consumed by the Perfected cursed seal. The first stood in the tattered remains of a robe, his flesh covered in white scales and his eyes an unnatural gold. Horns adorned his head along with a strange pair of glasses while a massive tail protruded from the front of his belly thrashing around and shattering the ground or whatever else it came into contact with, though what was truly terrifying about his was his ten-foot height. The second was also covered in scales, thought hers were purple in place of the first abominations white. The woman had mini snakes protruding from every part of her body, her hair literally made of the thrashing creatures as an acidic venom dripped from her fangs, melting the earth under her.

"well this is quite the pickle we find ourselves in is it not my rival?" the green clad Jonin quipped to Kakashi as the creatures seemed to prepare to lunge at them again. The silver haired ninja could only muster a soft chuckle as his Dog summons stood in a protective formation around him. Before any more banter could be traded the White scaled monster lunged forward, its massive tail swung out towards Asuma, but the chain smoker deftly jumped over the appendage while spewing out a cloud of smoke which ingulfed the beast.

*Fire Style: Field Of Smoldering Ash!*

As the seasoned Shinobi called out his technique, he clamped his teeth together, creating a spark which ignited the chakra filled ash turning it into a scathing inferno which lit up the entire clearing with light as the Cursed monster's screams echoed through the forest.

Seeing the beast was still alive within the blaze Kakashi mustered the chakra he had left to finish what his friend had started.

*Wind Style: Vacuum Tomb!*

On its own this technique did nothing, but when used in tandem with fire it trapped the target area in a wind tunnel saturated with oxygen, allowing the flams to reach a heat capable of reducing steel to liquid in seconds. And burn it did, because even though the technique lasted for only a few moments all three Konoha nin could make out the form of the snake like monster turning to ash. But the victory was short lived as Guy spoke up again. "Asuma, I sincerely hope you have another one of those in you, because if fear my techniques will not work on this one." As if to make his point for him the snake clad woman spit up a massive amount of venom which proceeded to melt a massive hole in the ground, the resulting pit seeming to go down forever.

The three warriors gathered together, all of them exhausted from two days of nonstop fighting against extremely powerful enemy's. Kakashi, Guy, and Asuma were all far to low on chakra to use ranged attacks, and with there enemy being next to impossible to fight close range the three Legendary Ninja prepared for what seemed like the end.

"hehe, come on Kakashi-baka, don't tell me that's all you got." With a thud Obito landed before the group with his sharingan twirling with its ethereal red glow. The three toma pattern shifted as the Uchiha activated his mongekyo, greatly enhancing the power of his illusion powers. "Sleep now." With that simple command the creature that was so imposing a moment ago went slack, falling to the ground as her body began shifting back to human.

"hm." Asuma stepped forward to analyze the prone figure. "I know this woman, Anko Matarashi. She disappeared years ago on a mission with… Orochimaru. Right. Say Kakashi think you can stay awake long enough to look at this seal?"

The cyclops pulled his headband over his eye to cut off the flow of chakra, just barely avoiding passing out from chakra exhaustion. "hmm. I cant say im anywhere near a seal master, but from what I can tell this Curse mark is different from the others, considering how long ago Anko disappeared and judging from all the unnecessary branches on the central matrix its safe to say this is a prototype that was inferior." He paused to wince in pain as he grabbed the injury on his left arm, the wrist bent and broken rather severely. "I'm not sure removal is possible but master Jiraiya might be able to seal it."

The green monstrosity clad ninja moved to support his 'rival', allowing the copy nin to lean on his shoulder as they began to hobble forward. "Obito my friend the passion of your youth has show through the darkness this day, you have my gratitude. Now, let us be off. YOUTH!" the strange man suddenly threw Kakashi onto his back and shot off to the village like a bullet, his unfortunate cargo falling unconscious due to blood loss.

Obito let out a chuckle as he hoisted the unconscious girl onto his shoulder, the son of the hokage following at his side. "damn." He muttered. "I forgot to tell Kakashi about Tsukimi." Asuma perked up at this, the exhaustion temporarily forgotten. "Tsukimi? I don't suppose you have good news on that front?"

The Uchiha smiled at his friend. "No cursed seal, her bodys a bit screwed up but I think shes gonna be just fine, I brought her to my clans shelter right before I came here." The chain smoker's head tilted in slight confusion at the raven haired mans phrasing. "Her body? Shes not hurt is she?" Obito paused for a moment as he realized how unintentionally vague he had been. "oh no she was perfectly fine shes just a bit… foxy?"

Asuma's face fell as he tried to imagine what his fellow jonin meant. "Great. As if it was hard enough convincing people Naruto is not a monster the sister goes and looks like a fox too. The civilian council is gonna find a way to pin this whole mess on them. I can feel it."

Obitos face darkened as he too considered the implications of the girls transformation, But he smirked as another bit of information came to mind. "well, I don't think we have to worry too much about bullying from other kids. The way I hear it my little cousin Sasuke has become fast friends with Little Naruto, and since Itachi renounced her position as heir the council has been kissing his ass." The man let out a laugh as he remembered his poor little cousin hiding from the councils daughters who had been convinced to 'woo' the poor kid. "I sincerely doubt those civi's are dumb enough to be rude to their precious 'Sasuke-kuns' best friend hehehe!"

It was Asuma's turn to take on a dark expression as he looked on toward the fast approaching village, a sense of foreboding seeping through him. "not that I'm not happy for Tsukimi and Naruto to have a chance at a bit more normalcy in their lives, but are we sure that its wise for them to be so close to your clan?" they both stopped for a moment as they reached the path leading down from the hokage monument. "Obito you and I both know it was a sharingan that made the nine tails go berserk. I sincerely believe that it was not an Uchiha who did it but a large portion of the council, both civilian and Ninja don't share my view. I know for a fact you have herd the rumors, whispers in the village are suggesting your entire clan was involved." Obito scowled at this, knowing full well what the villagers had been saying. "Its my hope that most of the rumors were started by that bastard Danzo. But if they keep spreading, I'm afraid old Fugaku is going to only push the clan further away from the village, what's worse is they have stopped inviting me to clan meetings. Fugaku just hasn't trusted me since I convinced the council to let Kakashi keep my sharingan all those years ago. Says my loyalties are questionable, as if I'm supposed to value his word over the hokage's. Baa!" after finishing his rant he kicked a rock into the woods in anger, his prosthetic right leg launching the stone straight threw a tree like a bullet.

Asuma smirked as he watched the tree fall to the ground, knowing from past experience just how powerful the prosthetic arm and leg on the Uchihas right side were, created for him by the fourth hokage shortly after he barely survived a cave in on the battlefield. "speaking of Hokages" the smoker spoke up. "from what I hear your my old mans first choice for a successor ever since you managed to land that peace deal with Kumo after the huuga incident. Not to spoil, but im pretty sure he will be retiring soon, you nervous?"

Obitos dark annoyed expression turned to mirth as he laughed once again. "hehehe, well I'm not sure I am his first pick since Tsunade-Hime is back in town, but I have to say I cant believe my dream might finally come true! And hey, if I get the job I'm sure all this ninetails nonsense will be resolved and Fugaku will FINNALY get off my ass!" suddenly though the mans face fell completely into a mixture of fear and concern. "Asuma can you carry Anko? I saw Anbu setting up a temporary lab trying to contain the curse seals on my way here, bring her there as fast as you can!" Asuma let out a grunt as the weight of the unconscious girl was set on him. "Wait Obito where the hell are you going!?" he called after the shrinking form of the man as he disappeared into the distance.

_Sorry Asuma, no time to explain, your dads in some deep shit. _The Uchiha thought to himself as he charged as fast as he could into the distance, heading for the location that the hokage had mentioned Danzo had been cornered in earlier._ I may want your hat, but I'd prefer you handing it to me yourself over receiving it after your funeral._

**Present Time- 2 miles from the south gate**

A scene of pure chaos lay before the elderly hokage as he reached the battlefield. The toad sage stood atop the head of the toad boss Gamabunta, the two of them both fending off a unrelenting barrage of attacks from a cursed seal bearing member of the Nara clan, his body pure black as he launched spikes of shadow at the Sannin in rapid succession. Tsunade held off two traitorous Anbu, an Aburame and a Yamanaka. The two had powerful variations of their clans respective techniques but the enraged woman knew both of them well and seemed to be dominating them with little trouble. Orochimaru faced the traitor himself, the snake Sannin held a completely different air about him than Hiruzen had ever seen. Gone was the graceful nearly emotionless smirk, in its place a scowl of pure fury tore across his expression, not to mention the physical changes. A white snake wrapped around his neck like a scarf, its flesh fused to his own, his skin was covered in scales, and two long horns rose up from his forehead.

_Orochimaru._ The old man thought as he watched his student swipe with wild yet precise strikes from his sword, trying to take Danzos head from his shoulder. _It seems without that horrible genjutsu clouding your judgment, you have finally managed to obtain sage hood. I only wish it was under happier circumstances... _

With that thought, the old kage jumped into the fray, heading to Jiraiya first as he seemed to be the one in the most trouble.

*Summoning Jutsu: Enma!*

The head of the monkey summoning contact appeared at Hiruzens side, without a word the old creature transformed into his alternate form, a near indestructible black bo staff with gold tips, he landed in his partners grip for a moment before extending, becoming nearly 100 feet long and slamming into the throat of the Possessed Nara, pining him to a tree and halting his barrage against the sannin. "Jirya!" the old man called out to his student. "Quit dragging ass and focus on the fight!"

The white spiky haired man took on an aghast look as the toad beneath him dispersed with a tired groan. "Oh come on Sensei I've been running on fumes all night I'm barley conscious here!" and his appearance confirmed his excuse, his outfit was torn and covered with mud and blood and his breathing was deep and ragged. Jiraiya had been the one to fight Orochimaru until the genjutsu could be removed after all, it's a wonder the toad sage could still stand.

Hiruzen ran past the old pervert toward his former teammate, arriving just in time to see Orochimaru tossed backwards by a wind technique. "Hiruzen. How quaint, you've gone and made job of killing you all the easier." Danzo Shimura stood tall in a white robe, his right arm obscured by an extremally long sleeve as his left hand flew through one handed seals with long practiced ease.

*Earth Style: Gia's Rampart*

With a boom a great number of spikes mad out of super hard stone shot out, ripping up trees and tearing into everything in site, the Hokage managed to use the flashstep to doge, but Danzos men and Tsunade were not so lucky. The Slug Sannin got off with a non-life threatening wound to the leg, but Danzos 'Root' agents were caught in the middle of the attack, the Aburames insects fell dead to the ground as their master was skewered through the head, and the Yamanaka was practically ripped in half by two of the spikes. Hiruzens face drew deeper into a scowl as he surveyed the damage. _He's nothing but a cornered animal now._ He thought to himself. _I need to end this with one blow…_

The leader of the Leaf village used Enmas expansion ability to launch himself into the air rapidly, once he reached his intended height, he crossed the index and middle fingers of both his hands, causing four clones of him to appear the five of them creating a circle above the rouge ninja.

*Forbidden Art: Five Dragon Kings Emergence! *

With the name of the technique bellowing from the mouths of the five identical men simultaneously five dragons, each made out of fire, water, stone, wind, and electricity respectively, roared toward the ground at incredible speed, slamming into the wide-eyed form of Danzo before he had any chance to react. Seeing his attack land successfully the weary old Kage fell to the ground, his clones and Enma dispersing as his chakra ran dry from the massive amount he had funneled into his technique. The snake sannin caught his master before the old man impacted the ground, his own energy spent from using sage chakra for the first time. Orochimaru helped the hokage to his feet as they both observed the corpse of the traitor while Jiraiya and Tsunade limped over to join them.

"so, that's the end of it." The toad sage spoke up. *spit* "good riddance, that was one hell of a technique sensei, I dident realize you could still pull something like that off." The Sannins comment was met with a tired chuckle. "Ya well don't expect it again Im retiring after this. Im too old for this nonsense goddamnit!"

"I couldent agree more old friend"

Before anyone could react a bullet of hyper-condensed air shot threw the clearing, shattering Hiruzens armor and nearly ripping off Orochimarus arm. The three still standing turned toward the source of the attack as the snake summoner fell to the ground in agony. Before them stood Danzo, his previously covered arm exposed, revealing a disgusting abomination of an arm covered in eyes. And they were not just any eyes, for all 12 had a sharingan spinning within. Every single one except the one on his shoulder that is, for that eye appeared to be sealed closed. The three injured and exhausted shinobi stood in shock, having just gazed upon the mans corpse a moment before, but a quick glance behind them confirmed that the body was no longer there.

_So this is Izanagi. _Hiruzen thought. _That bastard, will this nightmare never end? _

Danzo drew back his head, preparing some sort of breath based jutsu, but he never got to release the technique as a massive blade shot out and pierced his throat. "w-wha?" the man gasped as his gaze landed on the source of the blade. Orochimaru stood over what appeared to be a large snake skin, his previous injury's gone as his new fresh body grasped the handle of the legendary Kusanagi blade, able to extend infinitely as long as the wielder had chakra. "you know." Orochimaru began. "The benefit of being forced to carry out your horrible experiments for all these years is, I picked up a few tricks along the way."

Danzo let a smirk adorn his own face as he readied another sharingan for the Izanagi to save himself, but right before he cast the reality altering jutsu, the air around his arm began to distort. The elderly man reappeared a short distance from the clearing they had all been in, but to his horror he found that his Sharingan covered arm was no longer attached and blood was flowing freely from the stump. Not only that, but the eye that sealed shut from the Izanagi was the one held in his own right socket. _DAMNIT! How the hell did this happen? _The traitor thought as he fell to the ground.

"Having trouble, honorable elder?"

Danzos remaining eye widened as the figure of Obito Uchiha landed only a few feet away from him. "How." The bleeding man stuttered as he the blood loss took its toll. "The Izanagi, it alters reality to reverse the cause of ones death, how did you disrupt it!"

The younger shinobi looked down at the dying man without a shred of pity. "Izanagi can change fate, but it cant effect space outside this dimension." He pointed to his own sharingan eye with a smirk. "I just used Kamui to transport your freaky arm to my own personal dimension, your stolen eyes power cant reach you through there, so you were forced to use the one in your head. But since your arms in my dimension, not even Izanagi could heal it." With that said, Obito bit his thumb using the small drop of blood as a catalyst for his own summoning contract. With a puff of smoke, multiple Foxes of varying sizes filled the space between the two men. The largest of the seven animals, a fox with three tails and dark red fur turned to her summoner. "Obito-chan! What can we do for you today?" the Uchiha motioned toward the fallen elder with his chin, his face betraying no emotion at all. "Kushina-Chan! I have a sacrifice for Jashin, Could you please escort him to the temple?" a sharp toothed grin spread across the faces of the foxes present. "So, you have a sinner for our Fair lady?" the red coated fox turned to the now prone form of Danzo, who's whole body now shook in fear. "mmm yes this one is quite the evil soul, Our mistress will enjoy guiding him to hell."

With that the pack of summons descended, the clearing echoed with screams as the animals began tearing him apart right before teleporting back to their home with the dying man in tow.

"you know, that religion is still the only thing on this planet that can unnerve even me." Obito turned to see Orochimaru observing him from a short distance, leaning against a tree with a small tired smile across his face.

"Hey now slithers. You know converting was the requirement for obtaining the Kitsune contract, besides the actual church of Jashin only kills people who commit unforgivable sin, those cultists from the land of hot water are a bunch of crazy's who don't know their kuni from their own ass." The snake like man chuckled at the Uchiha's antics for a moment. "that red one." The pale man questioned. "that was the daughter of Kushina Uzumaki's personal summon correct?" again Obito grinned as he thought about the aforementioned fox. "yep! Old Akane named her daughter after Sensei's wife to honor her death. And ill tell ya if I didn't know better I'd say she's Kushina-Hime's reincarnation with how she acts!"

Orochimarus face became even paler (if that was possible) as he thought of the implications of another Kushina running around. He had been the victim of more than one of the Uzumaki's pranks in the past, ESSPECIALY after he made the mistake of calling her tomatohead one time… "oh I ah… need to go help the others!" with that the snake disappeared in a cloud of smoke, Obito laughing as his superior vanished. "sure you do slithers, sure you do."

**Village Square-One Hour Later**

"Shinobi of Konoha!" the old hokages voice easily carried over the crowed before him. the entirety of his forces, save the men and woman currently deployed on cleanup of missions, as well as a large number of civilians were present. "these last few weeks have been marred with chaos and suffering, but it is with great relief that I announce this conflict has been resolved, and the traitor Danzo Shimura, as well as all of his associates, have been successfully subdued!" a roaring cheer rang out for a moment until the Leader rose his hand to call for silence. "now I know this is no time for celebration, we have lost some good shinobi in this attempted coup, and many of our citizens remain tainted by seal's. regardless, with the dissident forces purged, we can now rise to greater heights than we ever have! In regards to improving this land, I recognize that my stay in office is long overextended, which is why, with great pleasure I announce the fifth Hokage!"

the crowd entered a stage of shoked looks and exited whispers as people began batting on who it would be, all of them looking to the Shinobi surrounding the Hokage. The sannin, commander Nara, the Anbu commander, and a few other elite nin as well as the remaining loyal village elders stood by his side as he prepared his final announcement as hokage of Konoha. "the official ceremony will have to wait until stability is reestablished in the village, However I don't intend to wear this hat for another damn second!" laughs rang out through the square as Hiruzen Sarutobi removed the hat of the Hokage from his head. "UCHIHA OBITO! Step forward!"

The crowed silenced as smiles adorned the faces of all present (all exept the people who just lost a few bets that is) and Obito approached the village leader.

Hiruzen held out his hand, a small flam blazing across it forming a small sword like shape as the Uchiha kneeled before him. "Obito, do you swear to devote yourself to the village and its people?"

"Yes lord hokage!"

"Do you swear to serve the land of fire, no matter the coast? To do whatever it takes to ensure it stands till the end of days?"

"Yes lord hokage!"

"And do you swear to wait to screw up till after I die so that I don't have to take this damn hat back again!?"

Everyone present roared in laughter as Obito choked in surprise, nearly falling off the stage before joining the laughter. "You can count on me old man, ill make sure not to screw up!"

"good." The now former Kage chuckled. "Now take this thing before I die in it!" and at that request Obito rose to his feet, taking the hat in his hands the man placed it upon his head, causing the village elder Koharu to step forward. "Now presenting, Lord fifth Hokage! Obito Uchiha!"

**WOOOO! Talk about a brake in my writers block! And im already started on the next chapter too!**

**Speaking of, TIME SKIP! Next chapter- boring academy sheit.**

**If your wondering why I suddenly went with the whole 'save Orochimaru' angle its because I got a REALY good idea for the future of this story and it requires him to be a loyal leaf ninja.**

**Also, for anyone interested in my RWBY fic, I still have no idea what to do with it, so expect that hiatus to last a while longer. Sorry for the inconvenience. **

**Byyyyyyyyy :p**


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